Lauren’s Celebration of Life was a very touching event on February 22, 2014. There were somewhere around 500-600 people in attendance, with people from all areas of her life. Some people read her blog or heard her on the radio and felt compelled to attend, although they had never met her in person. As parents, her dad and I were extremely touched that Lauren had such an effect on so many people. Lauren wanted people to know that cancer happens to young people and her message certainly got out.

Laguna Creek High School was instrumental in converting the gym and multipurpose room into warm, inviting rooms. The principal, Doug Craig, and activities director, Jerry Haynes, were on site since the early morning until everything was taken down in the afternoon. The ASB set up all the chairs and tables and the LCHS swim team handed out the programs and memory pages for guests to note memories of Lauren. Lauren’s cousin, Leslie Kavasch, designed the program and my bosses, Chris and Valerie Rhodes supplied the printing. As the celebration was about to begin, the ROTC came in with the flags to present the colors. This was the wonderful idea of one of the members, who had wrestled with Lauren and is now a senior at the school. The high school choir sang some beautiful songs during the service, including a touching version of “Tears in Heaven.”

There was an opening slide show that is attached to this post and is also available on YouTube that Lauren’s uncle, Kent Kavasch made. The “babysit” co-op was in full attendance at the service, with Steve McKibben leading the prayers and Howard Davis speaking about the co-op and memories of Lauren growing up. One of Lauren’s teachers, Eric Johnson, spoke about having Lauren as a student. Next was one of her high school swim coaches, Brenda Smart. Brenda touched on Lauren’s stubborn nature and how, once she trusted you, she trusted you completely.

Egor spoke about how Lauren had affected his life and how important their friendship was. It was so emotional to see his pain and obvious love for Lauren. They were true “best friends forever.” There was a short tribute video that I found on YouTube that we didn’t know had been made. It turns out it was made by a previous classmate from high school. The clip has also been attached to this post. Lauren’s aunt, Catherine Kavasch, spoke about Lauren’s desire to get more awareness of childhood cancer and how she wanted research funded, if not for her, for other kids yet to be diagnosed.

The celebration ended with the wedding video. If anyone has missed watching the video, it is on her blog that she posted October 22^nd. Be warned, you will need Kleenex while watching. It was important to show the video because at the end Lauren thanks everyone for their support. She was truly thankful to everyone who wrote kind words, sent her cards, or gave her unique experiences. She felt her life had purpose when so many followed her blog and sent messages of support.

Following the wedding video, guests were invited to the multipurpose room for some food and drinks. The food was really good and was provided by Plaza del Sol in Elk Grove. The owner and his wife helped serve the food during the entire reception. Around the perimeter of the room were beautiful tables that had mementos from Lauren’s many activities. There were six tables that represented the co-op, high school, swim, other sports, Kaiser, and the wedding. They were beautifully set up, just like a high-end store or museum.

The babysit co-op made the entire celebration possible. They came over and helped put the table items together days before the service, arranged for the flowers, supplied the desserts, and set up the multipurpose room so beautifully. In addition, they had set up a beach chair, palm tree, and a water-looking backdrop at the front of the gym. It was so Lauren! We are truly blessed to be surrounded by such caring people who truly loved Lauren as their own.

Slide Show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1YLi6lBhn0

Tribute Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkiNICVo188

LCHS Anti-bullying Assembly: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZSAESLFs70

Bay Area Article: http://us.topnewstoday.org/us/article/9771502/

Obituary: http://www.egcitizen.com/articles/2012/07/17/lifestyle/doc5005f12e4b0d8588674944.txt

DVC Lacrosse Article: http://dvc.stage.lacrosseshift.com/news/oh-captain

DVC Paper: http://www.dvcinquirer.com/news/2014/02/11/dvc-swimmer-loses-battle-to-cancer/

Since the service, there have been many people helping to keep Lauren’s message out there. KCRA did a follow-up story and I was interviewed by Beth Ruyak at Capital Public Radio. It’s still amazing how Lauren made such an impact on the people at KCRA and Capital Public Radio. I hope they realize the impact they made on Lauren.

There was a St. Baldrick’s event in Sacramento on March 10^th. Steve McKibben shaved his head for Lauren, including another 20 more on Team Lauren. As a team, they raised over $5500 for childhood cancer research. Overall, the event had 259 participants who raised a total of $143,646. That will certainly make a difference to children diagnosed with cancer! In addition to Team Lauren, one of Lauren’s oncology family, Eden Melgoza, had a personal participant. Eden’s six year old brother, Mason, decided to get his head shaved in honor of Eden and in memory of Andrew Rundle and Lauren. He raised over $1200 in one weekend. What a big heart he has!  Travis Air Force Serviceman, Rob, showed up for the event and participated too.  He followed Lauren’s blog and visited her in the hospital in January so he could meet her.

There will be an Elk Grove St. Baldrick’s event on April 22^nd from 4:00 – 8:00 at BJ’s Brewhouse. BJ’s will donate 15% of their food sales from 11:00 – 9:00 that day to St. Baldrick’s for every flyer that is presented. Lauren’s brother, Mark, has a good friend who is on Team LaurenStrong. Brice will be shaving his head, along with two of his brothers, Chris and Parker. Parker is 14 years old and this will be his 7^th time participating in St. Baldrick’s. Mark, dad, and I get to shave the three brothers’ hair that day. They have been growing their hair all year for this event. People can join Team LaurenStrong or start their own team for the event. See the attached page from St. Baldrick’s. http://www.stbaldricks.org/events/laurenstrong

Bring the BJ’s flyer to the April 22^nd St. Baldrick’s event to have 15% of food sales donated to St. Baldrick’s to support childhood cancer research.

Diablo Valley College will recognize Lauren at the school level, conference level, and the state level. Plans are in the early stages, but it is so awesome that they feel so strongly about honoring Lauren. She loved that school and it appears the school loved her back.  The DVC Swim Team created a large banner that is displayed at the pool for all to see.  It simply says, “We are LaurenStrong.”  They also presented the family with a special photo album/scrap book of the swim team and Lauren.  It touched our hearts.  Also, the DVC Lacrosse team will retire the #1 jersey that they presented Lauren with at a match in the Fall.

Lauren’s aunt, Catherine Kavasch, has set up a team for Relay for Life in San Lorenzo called “The Not Dying Girl.” It will be held August 9^th. The page can be reached here: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLCY14CA?team_id=1573192&pg=team&fr_id=57861&__utma=2443503.1371112106.1395637240.1395637240.1395637240.1&__utmb=2443503.4.10.1395637240&__utmc=2443503&__utmx=-&__utmz=2443503.1395637240.1.1.utmcsr=main.acsevents.org|utmccn=(referral)|utmcmd=referral|utmcct=/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLCY14National&__utmv=-&__utmk=155796792

KCRA Update: https://vimeo.com/89264483

Insight with Beth Ruyak: http://www.capradio.org/news/insight/2014/03/13/insight-031314/

If anyone would like to continue to get the message out that children get cancer, please ask the government to support research efforts and find an event to participate in. Many people think, “It’s not my child.” Three years ago it wasn’t our child either. Cancer does not discriminate.

A blog reader commented on the CaringBridge entry, so here it is.  The details of Lauren’s final fight show she never gave up.

Things happened so fast, it’s hard to realize it’s real.  Lauren passed away on Sunday, February 2, 2014 at 7:30 am.  After speaking at Laguna Creek High School, her alma mater, on January 24th, at an anti-bullying assembly, Lauren was feeling like she made a difference to the students.  Lauren got two units of blood on Wednesday, January 29th and was feeling much better.  She was looking forward to attending the first Diablo Valley College Swim Meet on Friday to cheer on her former teammates.  The next day she woke up and had a lot of difficulty breathing.  She called 911 and an ambulance took her to the South Sacramento ER. Dad had driven to the house and followed the ambulance while mom drove from work to the ER.

It was determined that the extra fluids involved with getting the blood the day before caused her body to retain too much fluid.  She was given lasix and that made her feel better, but she still needed some help with oxygen.  For the first time, Lauren used the oxygen concentrator that has been in the family room since June.  She had it at a level “3.”  The next day, she asked Mark to increase it to a level “4.”  No swim meet that day because she couldn’t be off oxygen.

On Saturday, when mom went downstairs, Lauren asked for a wheelchair to take her from the bathroom to the couch, which is about 15 feet away.  She was very short of breath and the concentrator was increased to a “5,” its highest level.  Hospice was called and the nurse came to check out the situation.  Her doctor was called to find out his recommendation.  After discussing that this was a progression of her cancer, Lauren decided she wanted to be at home.

Albuterol was ordered, but after receiving the treatment, there was no change.  Lauren wanted to go to Roseville Kaiser, but didn’t think she could make it that far.  911 was called again and they put her on a C-pap to South Sacramento Kaiser.  After she was stabilized, Lauren was taken by ambulance to Roseville.  We were all so thankful that Lauren could be with the staff who knew her and loved her. Before leaving to South Sacramento, Lauren told mom she didn’t want to die in Sacramento.  It was important to Lauren to be with those she had spent so much time with and developed such close relationships with.

Lauren was going to go into Pediatric ICU, but they arranged it so she had a double-sized room on the main floor.  This way her regular nurses could take care of her and stop by to visit.  So many came by to check on Lauren and give her loving support.  Her oxygen saturation continued to decrease.  Eventually, they put her on 100% oxygen.  Dad and Mark had driven to both hospitals while mom rode in the ambulance with Lauren.  After awhile, Susan and Kevin Balko came.  Soon after Job and Abe joined up.  A bit later, Chris and Valerie Rhodes, the owners of Deanne’s company, visited to support Lauren and the family.  We were very thankful for the double-sized room, with so many wanting to be there for Lauren.  Lauren was told that Egor was flying up the next day to be with her.

We found out that the shading on Lauren’s right lung was not fluid, but tumors that had now spread to her “good” lung.  Lauren was really struggling for breath, even with the forced air being used.  She wasn’t able to talk much due to the oxygen mask, but she was aware of everyone who came by.  Lauren’s  former Nurse Practitioner, Tamara, was in town so she came by to give her love.  She stayed until 1:00 am helping to provide support.  Tamara asked Lauren if she was in pain and she shook her head “no.” Then Tamara asked if she was afraid, and she again shook her head “no.” Three other friends of Lauren’s visited and they stayed until almost 2:00 am.

The doctors and nurses made sure to keep Lauren comfortable by giving her pain relief and anti-anxiety meds.  By the early morning Lauren was not responsive.  She passed away very peacefully and painlessly.  Although she wanted to keep fighting her cancer, she fought until there was no fight left in her body.  She was a true warrior.

A celebration of Lauren McCullough’s life will be held on Saturday, February 22, 2014, at 2:00 pm at Laguna Creek High School in the gym.  It is located at 9050 Vicino Drive in Elk Grove, CA 95758.  All are welcome who would like to celebrate and remember Lauren.  The dress is casual and as Lauren would have wanted: Beachy/tropical attire.  In lieu of flowers, those so inclined may make a donation to one of Lauren’s selected charities:
www.sunbeamfoundation.org
www.stjude.org
www.stbaldricks.org
www.childrenscancer.org
www.dreamfoundation.org

This picture was taken in Hawaii in 2011, just days before the cancer was discovered in her leg.  This exemplifies how Lauren lived her life and enjoyed all the good things she was able to experience.

A celebration of Lauren Mccullough’s life will be held on Saturday, February 22, 2014, at 2:00 pm at Laguna Creek High School in the gym.  It is located at 9050 Vicino Drive in Elk Grove, CA 95758.  All are welcome who would like to celebrate and remember Lauren.  The dress is casual and as Lauren would have wanted: Beachy/tropical attire.  In lieu of flowers, those so inclined may make a donation to one of Lauren’s selected charities:
www.sunbeamfoundation.org
www.stjude.org
www.stbaldricks.org
www.childrenscancer.org
www.dreamfoundation.org

Lauren passed away peacefully on February 2, 2014 at 7:30 am.  She was at Kaiser Roseville, where she had her favorite nurses and doctors caring for her.  Lauren lived life to the fullest to the end.  

Please remember Lauren’s words she has written and go back to them when you are going through a tough time.  Remember to focus on the positive and not be a “Negative Nancy.”

Services are yet to be determined.

John and Deanne McCullough

So I guess it has been quite a few weeks since I have last posted in my blog, and this time it is because I had a rough past few weeks. I always hate having to report when I am not doing well so I postponed my writing until now- when I can say that I am feeling much better than I have been.

I need to update you guys on my Vegas trip first! So for my 21^st birthday present my mom took me to Las Vegas and we went with one of my mom’s ex-coworkers and her daughter, whom I am a day older than and have tons of childhood memories with. Unfortunately, the flight was delayed for about thirty minutes, which was much to my annoyance because I really wanted to go and sight see in Vegas ASAP! Luckily, I was able to get preferred boarding due to my cancer so I did not have to wait in line for a long time to board the plane and got some of the front seats. Kathryn and I sat together on the plane ride down to Las Vegas so we could catch up and she could tell me all about her college adventures and plans to study abroad in England. The flight was short, thank goodness! I have to say, the Las Vegas International Airport is very different from any other airport I have been to, and I have been to a lot of airports. The first thing I noticed walking around was that there were lights everywhere, flashing advertisements, slot machines as far as the eye could see, and that smoking was permitted inside. Oh, and I forgot to mention, the other person who sat beside Kathryn was carrying a cat onboard. She was having a cat show and I have to say, the cat was pretty darn ugly- and I am obviously a cat person. I thought it was pretty funny nevertheless. Anyways, we all hitched a ride with a taxi to get to where we were staying, the Paris Hotel. This taxi driver was my favorite of the bunch because he was incredibly friendly and likes MMA and was looking forward to the fight that would occur that weekend in Vegas with Anderson Silva. When we got to our hotel, I was amazed by how big it was! Clearly a lot of money was spent to make this hotel fancy and a place where you want to spend a lot of time (sans smoking). The ceiling had clouds on it and there were tons of slot machines here as well. There were quite a few restaurants and bars in the hotel as well, which was interesting because you could still have a pretty decent Vegas experience just by staying in the hotel, which is crazy. We got all checked in and my mom rented a scooter for me to get around in because I do get tired more easily than the average person and there is no need to spend my energy walking and having to rest all the time when I can get around perfectly fine in a motorized scooter. When we got to our room, which was on the 15^th floor, our senses were overloaded with the smell of lemon pledge. Not the most pleasant thing in the whole world, especially when your sense of smell is incredibly good due to chemo. We could not open a window or anything, so we turned on the A/C and were very disappointed with how not-cold the air was. By the end of the trip the air was set to around 61 degrees, but I know for a fact that it was nowhere near that- it was probably around 70 degrees. That, and the stupid refrigerator was not super cold so we did not feel safe eating leftovers (not that we even had a microwave anyways). But our room had a nice view of Vegas and there were two queen beds which were very comfortable, so I was pleased with that. While my mom, Kathryn, and Cheryl went to explore the lobby and the hotel some more, I stayed in the room and rested up and iced my back to make sure that I could function well for the evening because Kathryn and I were on the VIP guest list to the Hakkasan club in the MGM hotel. It was pretty funny how we got on the guest list and decided to choose this club to go to. I had posted pictures on Instagram and tagged “Vegas” in them, and a club promoter stated that Steve Aoki was going to be DJing that night and to text the promoter to get on the list. So we did just that so we would get in for free! But anyways, after I was done resting up, I went downstairs and met up with everyone and then almost immediately went back upstairs to get dressed up for dinner and for clubbing later. I chose to wear my red and black lace dress with an Ariel-red wig for the evening. I figured I might was well have fun and go all out with the wig so I could stand out. I chose the restaurant for the evening (and for the whole trip because I put the time in to research the food to make sure that we had excellent food the entire time) and got reservations for 6:30pm at Mastro’s seafood restaurant, and since I read that the treehouse was a cool place to eat in, I asked to be seated there. I did all of this online! So when we got to the restaurant, I was pleased to find out that we did get a table in treehouse, which turned out to be amazing. It was kind of a wood structure that was hollowed out, words cannot exactly explain it but it was really cool. Every item on the menu was incredibly expensive, but it was a fancy restaurant and we were in Las Vegas, so I figured it had to be good, especially based on the reviews that I had read. Now I told you guys that I would not be getting drunk on my Vegas trip, and that stayed true. I just sipped and tried different things that everyone else ordered. There was a chocolate martini on the menu that I was interested in, so my mom ordered it and I got a sip. Too much alcohol for me to really enjoy, but there was a chocolate covered strawberry on top and I was all for that. On my list for things to do in Vegas was to try food that I had never had before and to get some new taste experiences. I saw that oysters Rockefeller were on the menu and knew that I had to go for those. My mom and Cheryl were pretty against it, saying that if I ordered it then I had to eat it all. They also tried to tell me that they were raw, however, I have seen enough cooking competitions to know exactly what oysters Rockefeller were- and they are certainly not raw. So after arguing, I asked the waiter to enlighten them on it. He, of course, sided with me and told us that they were baked with parmesan cheese and spinach. So needless to say, we ordered that and I felt proud that I could prove them wrong. When the oysters arrived to the table, I was excited to try them- they smelled amazing! Cheryl still was very unsure about the whole thing because she was not a fan of oysters. After Kathryn, my mom, and I all raved about how amazing they were and how not-fishy they were and how rich they tasted, Cheryl finally gave in and ate one. Yeah, needless to say, she really liked them as well. I felt accomplished! There were six oysters for four people, so Kathryn and I got the pleasure of eating two each. We all ordered different food so we could try certain parts of the menu. I ordered lobster mashed potatoes (which was technically a side that is meant to share family style), Cheryl ordered truffle and crab mac and cheese as well as a chicken Caesar salad, Kathryn ordered Salmon and a side of asparagus, and my mom ordered the sea scallops and a side of scalloped potatoes. We had so much food to go along, it was insane. My favorites were my mashed potatoes, the scallops, and of course the oysters from earlier. We had quite a lot of food leftover, so we did get the bang for our buck in the end. Also, the waiter knew that it was both Kathryn and my birthday present, and out came two exquisite cakes with writing in chocolate sauce that said, “Happy 21^st Birthday”. Wow was I impressed! I was not hungry for dessert, but once I saw their infamous butter cake, I knew I was in for a treat. I was not in the mood for chocolate cake, which was the other cake we got, so I went all for the butter cake. It was the best cake I have ever had, and I have had a lot of cakes. It was super moist and dense and rich, and I ate bite after bite of that. Everyone decided that the butter cake was their favorite, and I felt so bad that I could not finish the whole thing because of how good it was. So after dinner there was enough time for us to walk around the mall where the restaurant was located so we did a bit of window shopping. The mall had so many expensive stores in it and although I have the money to buy the brand name items like Tiffany and Georgio Armani, I refused to spend my money on something like that. I couldn’t justify spending my money like that, it would kill me. The most I have ever spent on any item was $128 on a Michael Kors wallet- it was the first time that I had ever just blindly shopped for something. I needed the wallet for my Hell’s Kitchen trip, and this would be fancy enough and hold my cell phone in case I needed it. So I can totally justify that purchase! Anyways, back to Vegas. So eventually it got late enough to where Kathryn and I were going to go to the club (by ourselves, which was more of an experience for Kathryn than it was for me, because I have done my fair share of clubbing and she has not) so we took a taxi over to the MGM and found our way to the club. Turns out that it is really easy to get on the VIP list, but we did not care because it meant getting in the club for free, even if it did mean that we had to wait a long time in line. Kathryn and I were approached by two Asian guys who were also in the VIP section. They basically asked if they could be our “dates” while in line to get in the club. They were completely harmless and nice, so I did not have a problem with that and we talked to them for quite a while. They were definitely into us, which was super flattering, but I wouldn’t have hooked up with anyone, no matter how good looking they were. I have a few too many problems at this point, and not to mention I had the wig on which could prove to be a little awkward. It was pretty funny, the guy who was into me asked me, “So Lauren, are you happily married or happily engaged?” and I have to say that I laughed and kind of awkwardly said that it was a long story and that technically, no I was not. Once we got in the club, we separated and Kathryn and I only stayed for about twenty minutes because there was absolutely nowhere to sit. No stools at the bar, no loveseats, only booths that you would have to purchase. This was not going to work with my bad back and low stamina! Kathryn’s feet were hurting because of her stripper heels, while I was comfortable in my black heel-boots which are nicely worn in. So for some reason, instead of taking the taxi back to the hotel, Kathryn wanted to take the monorail back because it would cost less. I really wanted to take the taxi instead, but I did not vocalize it. So we walked a really long way to the monorail and then had another long walk to go from the monorail to the hotel. I regretted not speaking up because I was hurting so badly. That night, I felt the pain of overdoing it. I had already had a cough before I arrived at Vegas from overworking my lungs and irritating them, but this was different. I was coughing nonstop all night, and it was really hardcore coughing. I was hurting so bad and needed ice a lot, and it turns out that when I was sleeping (finally) I was moaning in pain after every exhale. I did not realize this until my mom asked me how I was doing, and I had to complain that I was not feeling very great! No sleep and coughing up a lung, no fun for Vegas! So the next day, I was in a ton of pain and had to call the on-call doctor from the hotel to see if there was something we could do about the pain. I told Dr. Jolly that I felt like I had collapsed my lung again (that is how bad it hurt) and by describing where the discomfort was, we were able to determine that I did not collapse my lung. Instead, we figured out that I had either broken a rib or torn some cartilage. He told me what pain pills I could use and how often, based on the pills that I did have on me for the trip. So we finally got my pain under control, but I had decided that I would stay inside the hotel room all day up until the evening- when I would be seeing the show “O”. My mom stayed with me the entire day and we watched tv and had good mother-daughter bonding time, which was really nice. Kathryn and Cheryl went out exploring and shopping some more while we were in the hotel, and I don’t feel like I really missed out. Luckily, since my mom ordered my scooter the day before, it was already in the room when it was time to get out of the hotel. I was mobile and it was such a relief having that scooter, I would not have been able to go anywhere without it. So I have to say, watching the performance “O” was amazing- the acrobats, synchronized swimmers, divers, dancers, everyone was so talented and athletic. I have no idea what the story of the performance was or if there was any, but it sure was entertaining! So after that we went and gambled a little bit (I spent $10 overall on the slots) and found out that I do not like it. I would rather spend my money elsewhere. I enjoyed playing the slots on my Pokemon games, but this is with real money and I was not down to lose very much of it. So then I went and bought some shot glasses and a really pretty t-shirt from a shop that was in the hotel. Then my mom and I went to a restaurant where I ate some amazing fish tacos. This place had really good food and was cheap- especially for Vegas. My mom spent less on her margarita than she did on my lemonade, which is crazy. Then we went back to the hotel and got some sleep so we could spend our last few hours in Las Vegas (on Sunday) and be well rested. We packed up and got ready and were out of the hotel at probably 12pm. I cannot complain about that! We went to this French restaurant that was close by (and I had staked this one out too) and we got a nice table outside. I ordered a corned beef hash with a poached egg (which was soooo good!), my mom got a lobster roll (again, really good) and I do not remember what Kathryn and Cheryl got, although Kathryn spilled her mimosa on herself and was not too pleased, I personally would not touch alcohol early in the morning

anyways, especially since I am not a fan of alcohol to begin with. When we were finished with our brunch, we went to retrieve my scooter only to find this Asian girl on it. Rude much! So I had a warm seat when I got back on my scooter and was still in shock that someone would allow their 12 year old child to sit in someone’s scooter, that is just unheard of. So naturally, I loudly complained about how rude it was and went on my way. Our group got to go around and visit Caesar’s Palace and visit the stores inside, which was cool and took up our time before going back to the airport. What was cool about Caesar’s Palace is that the ceiling changes colors and stuff, which I had never seen other than in a Harry Potter movie. On the streets, it was very awkward because there were these men constantly snapping cards to get peoples’ attention and give them a card for an escort. So you could say many cards with hookers’ contact info were scattered on the sidewalk. Unfortunately, when it came time to leave, our flight was again delayed. This time it was delayed for probably an hour, which pissed me off because I was tired and in a lot of pain and wanted to get back home as soon as possible. Again, I got preferred boarding, but this time only my mom was allowed to board with me so we got nice seats. When we finally got back to Sacramento, I noticed that Chad Mendes, a UFC fighter from Sac was on our flight. Clearly he had gone to Las Vegas to see the fight that was going on during the weekend. That was neat, I did not go up to him because I was tired and cranky and I figured he was probably tired as well.

On Monday, I noticed that I had major bruising along my ribs due to my coughing. I knew I had done some damage! Now I will tell you about my New Years.

My crew had decided a little last minute to through a New Year’s Eve party, which had me excited because I really wanted to hang out with all of my friends. I had an outfit planned out, a black kind of lacy corset and a new pair of jeans. For my hair, I went with my favorite wig- blonde on top and pink on the bottom, it was long and soft and really pretty, which is amazing considering how cheap it was! I looked pretty darn good if I do say so myself. So I drove myself to the party and said my hello’s to my friends who were serving as the bouncers. When I got inside and turned the corner, Egor immediately saw me and hugged me and that was right when a bunch of pictures were being taken of the group, of course I had to get in on them and Egor insisted (not that I needed any convincing). For some reason, this asshole of a kid told me that this was a “family picture” and that he had known all of these guys since 8^th grade (which I know is not true) and that since I am not in the family I could not be in the picture. What?! He smirked and was feeling all proud of himself and I was just astonished. I stood up for myself (but did not get in any of the pictures because of that asshole). I said, “Excuse me? Are you serious?” really loudly to make it known that what he had done was not ok. Egor then came over and I explained what had happened, to which Egor told the guy that I was in the group longer than he was and told him off. The asshole then apologized and hugged me, although I am sure it was not sincere. I just could not believe how rude he was! Egor ended up explaining it again to him later that what he had done was wrong. That made me feel good, but I wish I had said more to that kid, as we had met before, at least twice, and that I actually hang out with the crew way more and actually know them as people and do not just party with them. Last time I checked, we have hangouts, go to the beach, eat dinner, and just hang out- the asshole (who was wearing a very questionable outfit) does not. Anyways, I got to see all of my friends and hang out with them for a little while, all of them were happy with how healthy I looked and did not recognize me at first because I had on my wig. DeAngela also came to the party and we hung out the whole time, we were both sober the whole night and kind of watched what was going on. There were some kids who really should not have been there who were overly drunk and annoying. Go figure, they were people who had just graduated and who do not know their limits with liquor. They were falling over and being sloppy, and there was almost a problem between myself and one of them- if that chick would have hit me on my bad side, and she was sitting to my left, but luckily she moved before she could hit me. I did warn her that my left side was my bad side and that there would be problems if she bumped into it! She did not exactly catch what I was saying and was incoherent. Another kid who had just graduated passed out on the couch and landed right on Aiyanna- and she felt the same way that I did about the girls, she would have hit or pushed someone who drunkenly fell on her. We both were confused that this guy had suddenly decided to lay on her, but it turns out that he had just passed out. So naturally, people drew on him and took pictures of him and with him. Another reason not to get out of control drunk! Aiyanna and I were sitting on one of the two couches up until the point where a drunk girl decided that she could not hold in her liquor and puked in between the gap of the two couches. I could see it happening and I wanted to give her a cup or something, but I didn’t react fast enough and I was afraid that she would have puked on me. So Aiyanna and I ended up smelling the puke and decided to get up immediately after that. I wish I got to hang out with my friends a little bit more, but it was hectic and everyone was doing their own thing. I just stayed on the couch for most of the night and observed things, and I was not bored! I enjoy watching drunk people, they do the funniest things and say the funniest things, and besides, I am normally the sober one at the party so this was nothing new to me.

Two days after New Year’s was when I was scheduled for my next chemo. I got an echocardiogram and was cleared for my three days of chemo (but 5 days in the hospital) because my heart was doing well. I also got an xray which did end up showing that I broke my rib. Imagine that, breaking a rib because you are coughing so hard! So I was in quite a bit of pain, and it took too long for me to get my meds when I went inpatient, so my pain got out of control and it took quite a few hours to get it back under control. My body got flooded with fluids and I was really out of it when I was in the hospital. I am sure that it scared my parents, because I would say something in my sleep (well my passed-out state) and then wake up. I would say weird things and act out my dreams, I was not very coherent during my entire stay in the hospital. I was on a lot of pain meds and was also on Ativan and who knows what else. My body just did not react well to having so many fluids in it, as my body absorbs them like a sponge. I also had fevers almost every day and was in the ICU for a day because I was doing so poorly. I was on tons of lasics (basically to make you pee out all of the extra fluids) so I did not get much sleep and since I was so out of it, it was hard to walk to the bathroom. In the ICU, I had to use a portable toilet that was right near my bed. Even with the toilet right there, I still managed to pee myself (only once, and it was right before I made it to the seat). Yeah, embarrassing to admit, but it is just part of my life. That is the power of lasics working and also me being pretty out of it did not help my situation at all. Once I was out of the ICU (someone needed the room more than I did) I still had my fevers. The highest it got to was 102.9, which is crazy high! Also, I cannot remember most of what happened when I was in the hospital. I was in for 6 days and most of what I did I cannot account for. I do not remember who visited me or what was said for the most part, except that I met my new hospice nurse, Bev, and I really like her. She actually sees me as a person and is fun to talk to and she is genuine, unlike my last hospice nurse. I also remember something that brings tears to my eyes still. This guy who reads my blog and follows me (I think his name is Rob) came to visit me at my hospital room. It was about 8pm and I got a knock at the door, so my dad looked out and here was Rob, holding a teddy bear and a card to give to me. He had offered to take me sky diving but that isn’t possible due to my janky leg and the radiation that it has had, but he just stopped by because he thought I could use a smile and he definitely made my day. I just thought it was so thoughtful and nice that someone who does not know me would go out of his way to come see me. Little things like that are the best, and it is just the sweetest thing in the world. I finally got to go home on January 9^th at about 6pm. I was so glad to be home, but I still was not out of the woods. I was still kind of out of it and dizzy, but that went away probably a day later. I just do so much better when I am at home! I recovered very fast once I was home. I also lost a bit of the steroid chubby cheeks because of the steroids, which was nice. But it did take a few days before I got back to eating normally. I went into the hospital at 137lbs, which is by far my heaviest, which can be accounted for by steroids, and a week later at home I measured at 127lbs. Crazy, losing 10lbs in a week. That proves how bad I was feeling and how little I was eating, but at least I never puked! I am thankful for that!

Something I would like to address is that once someone has gone through cancer treatment, their body is different. I have many more scars than I started out with (luckily I already had many due to being active) such as my one inch long port scar, a dot above the port scar, scars from needles and IVs, my biopsy scar on my leg, quite a few scars along my ribs, and more. I am also super shaky, especially in the hands, because of my treatment. I can no longer sneeze (sounds crazy, but it is true) but I still feel the urge and painful tickle that I need to sneeze, but radiation in that area has caused me to no longer have that amazing ability to relieve myself with a nice sneeze. My left lung no longer fully inflates, so my stomach and diaphragm have moved up on that side, which has led to me having scoliosis that is pretty noticeable. I already had one shoulder higher than the other that was obvious from the back, but now I look crooked from any view. I have heartburn just about every day. Once you are done with cancer treatment, you figure that all of your problems are solved. But everyone gets their own set of post-cancer problems. Of course we would take these problems any day over having cancer, but you just don’t expect to have more issues to deal with after everything is done with. I know that with me, and I am sure with others too, that every time I got an issue, had muscle pain, or was ill, that the first thing on my mind was that my cancer was back. It is always in the back of our minds. Before, I would never have worried about a sore muscle or any weird symptom, but now it is very worrisome. It was in the back of my mind in May when my lung was bad, although I was giving every excuse in the book as to why it could not possibly be that my cancer was back. Most of the time, the worries are for nothing. In my case, unfortunately it was my worst nightmare. So next time you see someone who has dealt with cancer, please realize that there are still things going on with them and give them a little bit of a break if you are quick to criticize what they are doing and why.

http://www.sunbeamfoundation.org/cms/index.php

http://www.stjude.org/

http://www.stbaldricks.org/

http://ewings-sarcoma.org.uk/

facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/thenotdyinggirl

instagram: swimchicklauren

twitter: swimchickLM

email: shashimi1992@yahoo.com

I know that normally I do not post as much when I am feeling well because I am out and about, but this time I haven’t been posting very much because I am feeling too fantastic. I wish that I could report that I am doing well, but that is not the case! I have had a fever for a few days and it turns out that part of it was steroid withdrawal. Yeah, my steroids were tapered just a little too fast and I was going through some insane withdrawal symptoms. My whole body hurt- body aches, headaches, joint aches, and a fever. I went to the doctor on Friday and got some blood tests done and there were no signs that I have an infection or anything. So that is good news! I just got back on my steroids on a low dose and am going to very slowly and gradually decrease my dose because I do not need to have the awful joint aches to where I literally walk like a 90 year old woman. Not the most comfortable thing to have to deal with!

It kind of feels like I have had one healthy, good day for every two bad days since I went through my withdrawal symptoms. I also believe that I do have a little sickness of some sort because I still have my fever, but it is not high enough to have to be admitted for. I also have been coughing up a storm to the point where my chest hurts. My back has been hurting a bit, which I think is due to tumor pain- good thing in about a week is my chemo week! I am pretty disappointed that my health has not been as great as it has been lately, but that is okay. My health has its ups and its downs so I will see what happens!

I write my blogs in one sitting and have to recall what I have done so I tend to miss a few things here and there, so forgive me if I leave something out!

Wednesday was spent with Susette and man, that was a productive day! We decided that we had to get our Christmas shopping done in one big swoop. Our first stop was at Pier One and we had such a trip there! There were so many bright colors there and so many things on sale that it was like heaven to me! I would say we spent just slightly less than an hour there and were successful. We then traveled to Styles For Less, which was a few stores down for some personal shopping. Susette had never been to that store so she was overwhelmed by all of the cute and cheap clothes to choose from! She got some amazing red jeggings and a cute shirt. I kind of got a massive score. I got tons of hats to shelter my little, cold, bald head, some bralettes (basically to wear with my tank tops that are see-through), a vest that looks like a rose in a cool way, a pair of floral leggings, a pair of yoga pants, some Vegas jewelry, and some tops that are perfect for Vegas! I am so excited for the outfits that I have planned for the trip- one of the reasons why I was extra-concerned about being sick because of my plans for Vegas. So after our eventful trip in that store, we went to Tuesday Morning, which was a first for us both. It had a bunch of random knick-knacks and we both found a few little goodies. Then we went to Jamba Juice to refuel before heading to Laguna Creek High School for a wrestling meet. Susette had never been to a wrestling meet and was so excited for it. I got to say hi to my coaches and catch up, as well as see Troy, Tyler, Rajiv, Sean, Thomas, and Herman. Susette and I were talking about the nasty smell that just comes with wrestling- no matter what you do, wrestlers just smell a certain way after practice. Then, DeAngela walked into the gym and I jogged over to see her and she finally noticed me. We hugged and then we sat back down with Susette to watch all of the matches. Although Laguna did not win the meet, I was thoroughly entertained the whole time and saw one really good match! Susette had to go home so at about 8:30pm DeAngela and I went to dinner at Chevy’s so we could catch up- plus I had a hankering for Mexican food. We had some good laughs and good food before we both decided it was time to sleep.

Thursday and Friday were mostly spent at home other than going to the hospital on Friday for being sick. On Saturday, I was supposed to bartend for my babysitting coop for their annual Christmas party, but I was just not feeling well and I did not want to get anyone sick. I was so bummed because I was prepared to make cool drinks for the whole party but I just could not risk it. Instead, my dad came over and we watched movies. That is our thing, we always watch movies together because he can handle scary movies and gory films, whereas my mom gets nightmares from some of my horror flicks.

On Sunday, I went sailing. I had set my alarm for 8:30am so that I could be up and about for long enough for my steroids and pain pills to kick in so I would feel good, considering that every morning I wake up feeling horrible and as the day goes on (or about 30 minutes into the day) I start to feel better because of my meds. Unfortunately, my volume on my phone was not loud enough over my three fans and I did not wake up at 8:30. Instead, my mom came into my room and woke me up at 9. Luckily that was still enough time for me to hustle and get ready and leave. I also had help from my mom, who packed a few snacks for myself. I picked up Job and then we both drove to meet Susette and her dad at her house. Susette’s dad owns two sailboats and sails often, so I was super stoked for my first time sailing. It was Job’s first sailing experience as well, so he was excited as well. Susette was thrilled to be able to offer this experience to me and to spend time with Job and me. We all stopped by Quiznos to get sandwiches for our trip, and I have to say, my sandwich was extremely good- it was my first time and definitely not my last at this place. Oh, I forgot to mention, Susette brought her dog, Cooper, along with us. He is an excellent sailing dog as Susette’s dad has taken him numerous times, you could say that Cooper is a pro when it comes to knowing the drill. It took Susette’s dad about twenty minutes to set up the 50 foot sailboat to make it ready for us to go out, so Job, Susette, and I went exploring around the dock to look at all of the sailboats. Some were dinky, and others were just fantastic. You could live on quite a few of them! So we all got on the boat and were handed life jackets. These ones were inflatable life jackets that you had to pull a string so the life jacket would float. Well, Job’s jacket was one that had a sensor that when touched by water, automatically inflated. He joked about it because he was the only one who couldn’t swim. I was so prepared for cold weather and for the icy wind, but where I sat on the boat there was shelter from the wind. I was wearing just my tank top for the longest time- along with plenty of sunscreen of course. It wasn’t until after we ate our sandwiches down below that I noticed how cold it was outside- that and I was in a different spot from before. I also noticed that I got a little sea sick when I was down in the bottom of the boat, but when I was on deck my stomach was fine. You could say that I made the transition back to the deck really fast and felt better immediately. Soon after I got my sweatshirt, I went back to my spot that blocked the wind and was not freezing. We all had such a great day and talked a lot, and I got some sunshine! I needed that, I have been cooped up indoors for way too long. I also learned a bit about sailing and the different kinds of sails there were and what they did. It was nice seeing how much Susette’s dad enjoyed sailing and that he was happy to see his daughter interact with her friends. Nothing was ever awkward! Oh, and I have to mention, that the sailboat was rigged to steer itself when in the sailing mode (engine off). It was pretty much life an autopilot and it self-adjusted itself to capture the wind coming in from different directions. This made life so much easier for us, so we could all sit down and chat without having to worry about running into anything. Susette also helped us steer in the beginning and in the end when the engine was on, and she did a great job! It was amazing to see Susette’s dad put the sailboat back into its spot- it was all in one smooth move. I was surprised because boats are incredibly difficult to “park” because of the water. So after we left the boat behind and got back to Susette’s house and I dropped off Job, I went back home and rested up because we were going to have a little kickback at Job’s house later. Susette came to my house at around 8:30pm and we left for Job’s at about 9pm, with my specialty beers in hand so that I could try them and then have other people finish them for me. I am not a beer person so a sip is more than enough for me! The group of us: DeAngela, Susette, Job, Amanda, Abe, and Job’s brother, played Apples to Apples. I won very quickly because I somehow got the perfect cards. I then went to the couch and turned my attention to the movie that was playing, Red 2. Oh, and before we watched Hot Rod, which was kind of cute and ridiculous. Everyone else continued on playing Apples to Apples, but I was enjoying my movie. Susette was not sure if I was bored and wanted to leave, but I assured her that I was just into my movie (which I was)! At around 1am we left Job’s house and stopped by Jack in the Box to get some food and then went back to my house. We stayed up for about another hour before going to bed. Susette warned me that she would probably be gone by the time I was awake. She actually ended up leaving at around 6:45am because of her sleep schedule. She is a morning person and is always up and about early, she is the type who studies in the morning instead of staying up late and pulling all-nighters.

I cannot say that any of the rest of the week has been productive- I have just been laying on the couch trying to recover from whatever illness that I have. Today, Christmas day, I watched movies with my dad while my mom and brother went to visit my great grandpa. I decided it would be best not to risk getting everyone else sick and exhausting myself before my big Vegas trip on Friday. I wish I could have seen everyone on this holiday, but that was not the case. My family just kind of goes with the flow, it just comes with the territory of my cancer. I have to say that I am just glad that I am alive to see this Christmas. It could be way worse, and I am at home with my family during this day instead of being in the hospital, as much as I love my nurses.

I know that with the season comes great joy, but for some it brings heartbreak and depression. Some families are without certain family members and some spend their holidays alone. However, I would like to say that no one is ever truly alone- someone always has you in their heart. No matter how many bridges you have burned, how alone and hopeless you feel, someone cares about you. It does not matter if you think that nobody cares about you- because I guarantee that somewhere out there is absolutely crazy about you. Now it might be the crazy cat lady next door, your animals, your coworkers- someone loves you and carries you in their hearts! There is always someone who sees the good in yourself that maybe you do not see, but they are there. Just remember that you are a fantastic person who has people who cares about you and put a smile on your face this season. I know that having cold weather probably makes it more difficult and that depression is worse in winter (as well as there is seasonal depression) but having a smile on makes getting through each day easier. Just smiling, humming, singing, whatever you do that makes yourself happy- do it! It will make a big difference, trust me, I am not a happy camper when it comes to cold weather because I am a summer girl and my body aches so much during the winter. Sunshine is always my best friend! So look at pictures of amazing places and just be happy and smile!

http://www.childrenscancer.org/

http://www.stbaldricks.org/

http://ewings-sarcoma.org.uk/

http://www.sunbeamfoundation.org/cms/index.php

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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thenotdyinggirl

email: shashimi1992@yahoo.com

instagram: swimchicklauren

twitter: swimchickLM

Thanks so much for reading, as always! Please spread childhood cancer awareness!

-Lauren McCullough

I have had such an eventful weekend! Well, that is pretty much an understatement, I had a blast! I would have to say that this ranks up in the best weekends of my life (so far!)

On Friday, Job came over to my house at around 1pm so that we could go to the UFC weigh-ins and faced-offs at 2:30. The drive up there was pretty uneventful, except that we talked about everything and anything. When we got to Sleeptrain Arena, we walked to the entrance to the stadium and I ended up showing my email from the Vice President of the UFC Reed Harris inviting me to the weigh-ins. I was so thankful that I had kept the emails in a separate folder in my mailbox so that I could find them! Job and I walked into the stadium and found our way to some open seats (there were many because it was during an interview and only those in the fight club were invited) and we watched the interview and then made our way down to the bottom of the seats to meet with Reed Harris and got to our VIP seats to watch the weigh-ins and face-offs. I had talked to Reed on the phone to arrange everything for the weekend, but had not met him until that day. He was all amped up and excited about the event, as were Job and I. The cover for the UFC video game for Xbox was revealed and we got to meet Jon Jones, who will be featured on the cover. He is such a nice guy! Job and I took pictures with him and talked to him for a little bit while wandering through the backstage tour. We also got to meet Urijah Faber (well Job already knew him and Faber did recognize him, which was awesome) and took pictures with him, and also chatted with him for a bit. We also got pictures with Chad Mendes who was all smiley and visibly excited for his fight. I also got to talk with Scott Jorgensen for a while and he was so ready for his fight, as he was going down a weight class and actually looked healthy for going down to flyweight. He was so easy-going and even said that he wished he brought extra t-shirts to give us (they are awesome t-shirts and super soft!) and he has cool, colorful, well-done tattoos. Yeah, I am a bit of a tattoo snob even though I only have one! Job and I also got to meet the President of the UFC, Dana White. I found out that Job and I would be sitting in the seats in his area, so I had to thank him for that! Both Reed Harris and Dana White are just so generous to let Job and I experience what we did, and it was not for publicity or anything, it was to make me happy and to give an experience of a lifetime. As much as I am new to MMA and am still learning about it, I have so much respect for it. I have been around wrestling (and wrestling) since 7th grade, so that part of MMA I know very well. The other styles of fighting, not so much. I am still learning the submission moves, but am just fascinated by them. Okay, back to Friday! Job and I also got to meet Joe Rogan, the host of Fear Factor and commentator for the UFC fights. I will be honest, it was very hard for me to tell Dana White and Joe Rogan apart! They are both short, built, baldies. Their voices are completely different but man, guarenteed that they could have switched places in high schools and not have their teachers notice! (Go baldies!) I also got a picture with the Octagon Girls (who are absolutely gorgeous!) I figure that back when I was in shape I was toned enough to do that, which I think is nice that the girls who are seen as beautiful and kind of represent part of the UFC are muscular and toned. The last person who Job and I met was Demetrious Johnson, who was in the featured fight for Saturday for the World Flyweight Championship. He might only be 5’3″, but he is 5’3″ of pure muscle who could easily beat the crap out of anyone, not to mention that at 125lbs, he is extremely fast. He was also a really nice guy, just like everyone else who I met at the weigh-ins. I loved how down-to-earth everyone was and that they were not the stuck up athletes that are associated with being a professional. They don’t have the sense of entitlement that other top athletes have, and Job was telling me that when you can beat up 99% of the population, there is no need to prove yourself. I think that is perfect! So Job and I got to see everyone face-off after they made their weight on a scale in front of everyone. Pretty much all of the fighters looked emaciated from cutting the weight to make their weight class, but of course, all of them made weight. Not like in high school where some did not make weight and could not wrestle. When this is your livelihood and your love, you make weight. In high school, most of the wrestlers are not nearly as dedicated and are just wrestling to make their parents happy or to make their resumes look better. Everyone in MMA genuinely loves what they do and you can just tell. It was cool to see everyone face-off and meet each other face-to-face and so that I could stack up the competitors and choose who I thought would win just based on their body type. Oh, and Reed Harris sent me home with some goodies! I got a UFC duffle bag, a hoodie, four-tshirts (and one for Job!), two VIP lanyards, a program for the Saturday event, and two posters (one signed by all of the fighers!) You could say that I will be sporting my t-shirts and jacket pretty often.

Saturday could not come fast enough! I was so excited for the day to come! I had my outfit planned out already and could not wait to get ready. I woke up at 11:30am so that I would be out the door at 12:30pm. I took a shower and put on my makeup and dress. My red and black lace dress had a cutout in the back that showcased my scorpion tattoo, and I wore eyeliner and red lipstick, as well as my red and black nails that I did myself the night before. I was planning on wearing an Ariel-red wig that was long and curly, but it would not show my tattoo so I went for my blonde wig that I got when I was first diagnosed in 2011. It looked perfect! So Job came pretty much right at 12:30pm and had to eat, but he was lucky that I was having my wig issues that I was not waiting on him. We ended up arriving at the Sleeptrain Arena at the perfect time and got to our seats (3rd row floor seats!) just in time to watch the first fight, which was scheduled at 1:30pm. After the first fight, Reed Harris met with Job and I and invited us to sit right by the cage and watch the first few fights from there. We got to wear headphones to listen to Joe Rogan talk about what was going on in the fight. We could hear every breath, every punch, every throw that went on in the cage. It was surreal being right there! There was a lot of bloodshed and I can’t say that it grossed me out. I might seem like a sweet, innocent girl but I love my horror movies and I have had my fair share of blood transfusions, so I am very, very used to blood and gore. It was neat, after every fight the cage is cleaned very thoroughly to ensure that the blood was gone from the fight before. Job and I also were basically right there behind the fighter and their team during the between rounds (they get pretty much a minute break in between the three five-minute rounds). We could hear what the team on our side of the ring were saying and their game plans, that was so neat! So after a while, Reed Harris had to kick us out from our cage-side seats so that those who were supposed to sit there could get their seats. But we did not have to return to our 3rd row seats right away, we got to talk to the lead singer of The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Anthony Keidis, as he had 1st row seats (not the cage-side seats) and Reed Harris introduced us to him. He is a really chill guy! He is really into MMA and surfing, and I have to respect that athletic side of him along with the fact that he has quite the voice. When the next fight was about to start, that is when Job and I returned to our actual seats. I had to find a business card in my purse to give to Anthony Keidis, and finally found one and made Job reach over and hand it to him since he has a much longer wingspan than I do. At one point Job and I did get up to go to the restroom, as it was a long day, and I got some coffee drink which was not very good, but very refreshing. I missed most of one of the fights waiting in line for that drink so I was a little sad about that. Oh, and I ate a hotdog and got some popcorn (which I did share with Job) and ordered a margarita just because I could. It was a little too strong for me, so after two sips I gave it to Job because I did not want any more. Just the thought of alcohol makes my stomach upset now, so I am definitely not the average newly 21 year old. When the main two fights were about to start, the whole stadium was filled to the brim! Everyone was so stoked for Urijah to fight and to win! Of course, he did win and knocked out his opponent. The crowd went berserk! Job and I jumped out of our seats and were cheering! We also did the same when Johnson knocked out his opponent- it came so fast and was unexpected! That’s the thing with MMA, one little mistake and someone will capitalize on it. And there are so many mistakes that can be made and so many opportunities, it is crazy. So we jumped out of our seats again and were going wild! Just then, Reed Harris goes to our seats and grabs me and pulls me to near the cageside, and I got to see Jon Jones again, who recognized Job and I from the day before. So anyways, Reed pulled me to the entrance of the cage and hands me the belt for the World Flyweight Championship. He takes pictures of me with my phone and I am just blown away that I am holding something so important (and surprisingly heavy!). He then tells me that I am going to go up in the cage and hand the belt to give to UFC president Dana White to give to the World Flyweight Champion, Demetrious Johnson. Wow! I know I was shaking more than normal due to the excitement. I was going to be on TV! Just in the background, but still! And I was looking all dressed-up and fantastic, I was stoked and slightly nervous. I actually was on the tv, and I had no idea that I would ever in a million years get to go in the cage! Talk about feeling special! So when I exited the cage and walked back to my seat, where Job still was, he had no idea what was going on! He did not know that I went in the cage or anything, he was not paying attention! He saw how jittery I was and had to ask what happened, so I told him. Yeah, he was excited and a little jealous about it, but mostly excited that I got to experience this. We said our goodbyes and thank yous to Reed Harris and everyone else and went to look for my car. It took us twenty minutes to finally find it, as we were looking in the wrong direction. Luckily, I had Job with me so I did not feel uncomfortable walking around, and I can always use a little exercise. I was just relieved when we did find it! Not to mention, some of the cars were cleared out and I could actually back out of the parking space. Always have to look at the positives in every situation!

Sunday was a Susette day! She is back in town for a while for Christmas Break so we just had to squeeze in a day to hang out. She came over and we went to Crazy Sushi to gorge ourselves with food. We went to town on our sushi! On top of the two rolls each that we ate, I also had some miso soup. You could say that we were very satisfied and full by the time we left. When we got back to the house, we had to do our thing and watch horror movies. We ended up watching the original Black Christmas and Rosemary’s Baby. Both classic movies and we did enjoy both of them, although Rosemary’s Baby made us mad and laugh at the same time just because of how ridiculous the outfits and makeup are. We also got to talk and set up to hang out tomorrow! I normally do not get this much Susette time, so I am thrilled about this.

Monday was a relatively lazy day, except that I had to go to the Morse Avenue Kaiser to get my blood drawn and cross-typed and matched in case I needed a blood transfusion on Wednesday. Morse will send over the blood to Roseville so I did not have to make the longer trip down to Roseville to get cross-typed and matched there. Turns out, my blood counts are rising on their own so I do not need to get my blood transfusion tomorrow! I will have to get my blood drawn tomorrow just to check and see if my platelets are rising on their own and are not just the ones that were transfused to me on Thursday, because I did get two units of the yellow stuff. Since I was in the area, I stopped by the Cheesecake Factory to get myself some lunch. I have never been there and decided to give it a try. I ordered some fried zucchini, four-cheese pasta, and Oreo cheesecake. The fried zucchini was mushy and oily because the oil was not hot enough when it was fried (I know this because I watch so much Food Network). The pasta was amazing and the portion was HUGE! I ate it for lunch and dinner, and they gave me some bread with the order. The cheesecake was fantastic too! It turns out that it is the 2nd best-selling cheesecake, so I made the perfect choice. I still have leftover cheesecake too so it was a great deal for me…

Today was a Kevin day! We went back to Huong Lan, the Vietnamese sandwich shop in Sacramento. I got myself another ham, headcheese, and pate banh mi, some shrimp crackers, coconut-flavored rice crackers, pork buns, mocha boba drink, this Vietnamese ham that I had no clue what it was and it surprised me when I bit into it, some custard filled buns that I have yet to try, and my personal favorite, some eggy, pork things. I do not how to describe them other than delicious. I cannot compare them to anything I have ever tried before. Oh, and I brought my mom a BBQ banh mi and made her very happy. So Kevin and I got to see so many weird people just on our way to drop off my mom her sandwich! The most memorable one was this lady in a bright pink outfit and had what I thought were flower sunglasses. Kevin said they were actually “2013” New Years type glasses. That made sense to me, well not really. We both were cracking up at our people-watching skills. When we got back to my house, we started chowing down and turned on Jerry Springer. Man, do I love that show. My dad even loves watching that show with me because it is so ridiculous. We also watched Wife Swap and then Kevin left to walk off his food and to relax some more at his house. We had so many great Lauren and Kevin moments and talks, so it was a great day. As I have been typing this, I was watching Pawn Stars, Chopped, and now The Biggest Loser with my dad.

I have to say, being at the UFC fight event made me feel so normal. It made me forget that I have this horrible disease of cancer for a day. I looked completely normal (and dare I say hot!) and no one stared at me because I was the bald girl. I am so thankful for that, and trust me, any time that I feel healthy (well healthy for me is totally different than being healthy for the average person) is the best moment for me. I love it.

I am also so thankful to everyone who has been supporting me along my journey. Whether you have been there since the start or are just hearing about my story, I am thankful for you being there for me. There is nothing more that I can ask for than support. I need as much help as I can get when it comes to getting the word out about childhood (and young adult) cancer. I WANT as much help as I can get to get this research funded so that so many of us will not die due to this disease. I want the rate of survival for metastatic Ewing’s Sarcoma to rise from around 20% to in the 90s (or 100%). Adults who are diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma already have a lower survival rate so I am already at a disadvantage. I know that this is a scary fact. It terrifies me, but I always remember that I am not just a statistic and I am constantly defeating the odds. I am strong physically and mentally and that helps me tremendously. I want to be one of those few who does come out on top of the disease. I do reach my goals that I set for myself- they might seem tough or even impossible at times, but I work for them and achieve them in the end. I want to get more cures for every childhood cancer (although I do favor cures and research for Ewing’s Sarcoma) because no child or young adult deserves to go through this. No one. I lost a dear friend to Ewing’s Sarcoma and it has taken up too much of my life and is making my life hell so I have a vendetta against it. I take this personally, very personally. Having these low survival rates for youngsters is just unacceptable, so I need all the help I can get to spread the word that this is not okay. Childhood cancer needs a nice kick in the butt!

So my lesson that I learned this weekend was one that I really noticed at the UFC weigh-ins and at the actual fights. I have always felt that having friendly competition is very important. On my team, I had a few girls who were faster than I was in certain events and I would strive to beat them. I let them know that I wanted to beat them because they were better than I was. This would end up pushing all of us, because we could respect the effort put in by each other to be fast. It was also flattering for the people whom I wanted to beat, because that meant that I genuinely thought they were good. I also figure that by expressing my desires to work hard to beat these specific people and by telling them in person, they could know that I was not conspiring against them to steal their spot. This also would get my teammates to work just a bit harder because they knew I was gunning it for them. The thing is, they knew that I was putting in the effort in to try to beat them and that I was not just going to magically get faster than they were. Or that I wanted to beat another girl because I wanted a spot on the “A” relay at state. I sure did work my butt off to get there, and I would have had a spot on at least one “A” relay, had my body cooperated for one more week and decided to not have my lung collapse, but hey, life is unpredictable! This is only going to push me more to get back in the pool and get a better time when I am healthier. I think with this unfriendly competition, things are taken personally and feelings get involved when they really should not be. Seriously! If we are all working hard and putting in the time and effort (Okay, I had unfriendly competition with one girl on our team but we all did with the same one, because she did not come to any practices and was constantly drinking and was still super fast, but that is another story) then may the best person win! This is a competition, a sport, it is not meant for feelings. It is meant for our muscles and mental ability to get us to win. So in the MMA fighters, everyone works so hard and is so dedicated to their sport that they appreciate their opponents. They always learn from each other, and the fighting styles are so different (like every swimmer has a different stroke and body type) so it is not truly a loss when someone loses a fight. They learn and adapt with every fight. One technique will work better against one person than another, and person A can beat person B, person C can beat person A, and person B can beat person C. When a good hit or move is landed, the other person acknowledges it. Even though one has been hit in the face, they nod or smile because they respect the other person. Really interesting to me! MMA is also so unpredictable, one mistake can bring a champion down. That is why there is so much respect within the sport, it is a mental game. I think if people take the fights personally and dislike each other, the fight not be as clean and not as enjoyable. I love seeing people go against each other who are friends, they all shake hands and move on after the fight. There is just something about that that I can relate to. When I have someone who I am friends with (even on another team) who beats me, I take it better than someone who I do not feel deserves it. Oh, and when the nice people who do not walk around like their shit don’t stink win, it just feels better. So moral of the story: be nice and respect the effort of other people. Learn from them and they are probably learning from you!

So here are some videos that I am in, the first is the KCRA interview (which the title says I am 18, but I promise I am 21, they got confused because I was first diagnosed when I was 18 and now I have relapsed at this age, well in May I did) and the second is where you can see me in the background at the UFC World Flyweight Championship belt-giving. (Oh I just added the post-fight interview Youtube video)

http://www.kcra.com/news/18-year-old-girl-finds-hope-while-battling-cancer/-/11797728/23475746/-/jiywe3/-/index.html

http://www.ufc.com/media/FOX9-POST-JOHNSON-BENAVIDEZ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSMYGBsQdXg

So again, here are a few organizations that you can donate to that fund childhood cancer research:

http://www.stbaldricks.org/

http://www.stjude.org/stjude/

http://esarcoma.com/

http://www.sunbeamfoundation.org/cms/index.php

http://www.childrenscancer.org/

And here are my social networking sites:

https://www.facebook.com/thenotdyinggirl

email: shashimi1992@yahoo.com

instagram: swimchicklauren

twitter: swimchickLM

So it has been a few days since I have posted because my days have been chock full of events! When you don’t hear from me for a while, that means that I am feeling really well and that I have been busy and there is nothing to worry about.

On Sunday, my family and I went to my grandma’s house for Early Christmas. That day is probably the only time of the year that I get to see my extended family because all of our schedules are different. I had such a good time there and was talking to relatives and opening our gifts, it was a fun day.

On Monday, I had to get a platelet transfusion because my counts were so low. I was taken with my dad and since platelet transfusions are notoriously short, we had enough time to hang out and get food afterwards. I had to go for my favorite sushi place, Crazy Sushi, in Elk Grove, to get my fix. I always get a baked roll that has scallops on it and it always makes my tummy very happy. We also got chips and salsa from Chevy’s which we ate all of in one night, I was a little sad because I was hoping for leftovers, but nope! I love leftovers more than anything, it makes my day just knowing that I have good food for me to eat later!

Tuesday I had my radio interview with Beth Ruyak for Capital Public Radio. It was an early start to my day as I woke up at 8am so I could be on the air at 9:30. I was pretty nervous because it was a live interview, but I knew I needed to get awareness out and this was a great opportunity to do so. I put on my makeup and a cute outfit because I figured that pictures would be taken, and they were. It took me a little bit to realize that the station is located on Sacramento State University campus. I found a parking spot and got my parking permit so I would not get a ticket, there is no way that I need to have that problem! I walked into the station and was led into a waiting room and met with a follower of my blog, Melanie. She brought me a peppermint mocha frappachino, which was delicious. We talked for a little bit before it was my turn to go on air. I got to chat with Beth Ruyak for a few minutes to get comfortable before we started the interview. She has a way with putting people at ease! She knew exactly what questions to ask and had comments that really fed the conversation. There was never a dull moment in the 15 minutes that we spent on the air. She was such a doll, very supportive and a positive person! I was so happy that she did her research before we talked so that her questions were inquisitive and well put. She mentioned Andrew Rundle and how he had passed away a few months ago due to Ewing’s Sarcoma. I got a bit emotional at that point, he made such an impact on my life and was such a great guy. He is the only person who I get emotional about and mostly the only cancer-related subject that gets to me. This proves how awful the disease is, more research needs to be done when it comes to childhood cancer. I know that other people at the studio who I met were emotional at my story, and I think getting the word out like I am is making cancer personal. You can put a face to cancer now and see what the life of a cancer patient is really like. We have our ups and downs, but that is our life and we cannot change it. So after the radio interview, I talked with Melanie for a while longer and we stayed long enough that lunch was being served in the studio so we had some awesome pork, couscous, cauliflower, and rolls. My tummy was very happy! I got to see a childhood friend of family from the baby sitting coop as he works for the studio and he shared some drinking stories. Once I left the studio, I headed on over to Arden Fair Mall to go shopping for outfits for the UFC fight and for Vegas, not to mention that I would be turning 21 the next day. I ended up finding the perfect dress to wear to the UFC fight as it would show off my scorpion tattoo- I feel like the event is the perfect place to show it off! I got some head accessories (note, not hair, but head) to wear for the winter and to look extra cute. I ended up getting some other things but I got quite some good exercise. I took four laps in the mall. I walked briskly the whole time and I had parked in the Macy’s upstairs. I always have to get my Cinnabon drink before I go, and it happens to be on the opposite side of the mall. So I walked back there and felt the burn! I also picked up a cinnamon roll for the next morning so my stomach would not be growling during my television interview. On my way back home from the mall I stopped by Walmart for groceries. I got so much food that I cannot wait to try! I got home and just sat for a while and then started cleaning the front room and my bedroom because KCRA would be coming to my house to record the interview. The house has not been this clean in a while! I spend most of my time in the front room on the couch so the table was pretty cluttered- I mean I basically do live on that couch. The only time I spend in my room is when I sleep and when I change my clothes, so to me it does not matter how clean it is or is not. Now it looks super nice at least! I watched the Victoria’s Secret fashion show on tv while wearing a facial mask that made my skin super soft. I really liked some of the outfits that the models were wearing and others were not to my liking. I was kind of surprised that some of the models did not have the womanly shape and were kind of boxy, like myself. I guess everyone has a different body shape, and although everyone on the show was skinny, they were different forms of skinny. I just thought that was interesting! I went to bed a while after that so I could try to get some rest for waking up for my interview in the morning.

I woke up at about 8:00am on Wednesday. KCRA told me that they would be stopping by around 9:30am to 10:00am and would take about thirty minutes of my time. Although the show will only air about one minute and thirty seconds of my story, they needed to get enough footage to get my story across and to be able to edit for the perfect video. The camera man and anchor were both really nice and made me feel at ease. It was nice to talk to them and get the word out about childhood cancer, as well as what I am going through and my perspectives on life. I am not sure exactly what time the interview will air, but it will be on KCRA tomorrow (Friday) in the morning. Which morning news show is beyond me. After the interview was over, I got hydrated so that I could go to get my blood drawn and have them find a vein. I was not prepared for my lab experience. I went to the Elk Grove Kaiser because it was close by, and that was a huge mistake. I normally go to Sacramento to get it drawn because I love my phlebotamists there and they do such a great job there. But no, I was being lazy and did not want to drive as far on my birthday so I drove the ten minutes to Elk Grove Kaiser. I let a student attempt to draw my labs and I really shouldn’t have. He missed the vein in my right arm near the elbow so I offered up my left hand. He proceeded to poke me twice more IN THE HAND and could not get a vein. I have big ‘ol veins in my hands so there is no excuse as to why he had to poke me more than once there. Then, he had an older lady try a big vein in my wrist and she missed it and was pushing it around and it hurt like no other. So she took it out and I started crying. I am not one to cry in public, but when I get frustrated I cry now. It was not about the pain, but I get upset over things that should go one way and go wrong. Tears just streamed down my face and although I was not sobbing or making any noise, I was visibly very emotional and unhappy. I mentioned that it was my birthday and I left with my red eyes from the crying. Luckily, I had made plans with Job to go to lunch and to get my first legal drink. He picked me up at my house probably two minutes after I got back from the hospital. We went to Red Robin as that is what I looked up and decided would be a good place to get a meal. I was put into a much better mood right away and the food helped! I got fried zucchini, a fisherman’s platter, and a grasshopper drink (aka basically an alcoholic mint chocolate chip milkshake) and Job got riblets and mac and cheese and a Blue Moon Beer Milkshake (which was surprisingly good considering that I hate beer and it more of resembled an orange creamcicle). We sat and talked and enjoyed our food for a long while and boy, did I need it after the horrible hospital experience. Job then dropped me off so we both could take naps to prepare for my bartending (YES!) that would happen later in the evening. So I got to rest for about two hours, and I got woken up by my case worker. She gave me the great news that I would not have to get my blood redrawn and that I would still be able to get my platelets without it. I was so relieved! I was going to go get my blood drawn before I would go bartending, but I did not have to do so.

I had to make another paragraph for my bartending adventure! I was given the opportunity to bartend at a restaurant/bar in Sacramento on my birthday! I had just turned 21 and I was about to experience something fantastic. The restaurant is Vallejo’s on O St. I had never been there before that night, and I can tell you I WILL be returning. I got to meet the owner and all of the staff as well as the bartender. They were all so welcoming and told me that I was now a part of their family. I was put immediately to work by Sonia, the bartender. She taught me how to make margaritas like a pro, pouring with both hands (two drink components) at once. I also learned how to pour a good beer (after a little trial and error) that did not have too much of a head. I also made some blueberry lemon drops and watermelon lemon drops, poured shots, made rum and cokes. It was such a cool experience! I learned really fast and learned the counts for the drinks, and I got to taste test the drinks. Oh, and I had some teachers from Laguna Creek High School come out to help me celebrate! I was so happy with my Laguna support! Someone bought a whole round of the blueberry lemon drop cocktails as shots and this bar regular wh0m I had just met made a toast for my birthday as we drank our bright blue shots. They tasted so good! I was proud of myself for learning so fast and getting things down, I mean I did spill a bit at first but I got the hang of it. I think it would have been a very good possibility that I would bartend if I were to be going to college. The owner of Vallejo’s promised me that we would do another fundraiser at the bar for childhood cancer. By the way, did I mention that Sonia let me keep all of the tips? I made $372 that we will be donating to St. Baldrick’s. I would love to do this event again and get the word out so that they will be even more busy and raise even more money next time! Oh, and the staff set up banners with my name on them as the guest bartender on them. Seriously! I felt so special and like I belonged there. All of the regulars were super nice to me and welcoming, one even gave me this absolutely adorable cupcake ornament! I made drinks for the babysitting coop, and boy there were a lot of them there to help me celebrate! They are basically family and I have known all of them for my whole life, so I was happy to see all of them. They always get together and drink and have a blast, so this was perfect! I was also nominated to make the drinks and be bartender for our babysitting coop Christmas party this year. I would love to do it! As much as drinking alcohol or even thinking about drinking alcohol makes my stomach upset (crazy, but yeah) I am fine with making drinks. It was so much fun for me to make the drinks and I now have a new skill that I can show off! My friends ended up coming about twenty minutes after I decided I was done bartending and was sitting down to eat. I was so happy that they all could hang out with me and help celebrate my 21st birthday. I met some new people who were incredibly nice and were gushing about how inspirational I am and whatnot, so that was interesting for me! My group of friends and I got to talk and hang out and goof around. At 10ish we left the restaurant, and while all of my other friends went to Job’s house to hang out afterwards, I was way too tired to go so I just went home. That was the best choice for me because I was seriously pooped! It was such a great 21st, especially considering that I did not think I would make it to see this birthday a few months ago. In June/July, when my prognosis was three weeks to three months to live, my end goal was to somehow make it to my twenty first birthday. I made it to my birthday and I now plan to make it to my 22nd birthday. I will fight with all I have, I have never given up hope. I mean, I had accepted the fact that I was going to die in June and July, but that has changed. I was doing so badly in the summer that I felt it was best to accept my fate (not happily) so that I could be at peace and not be angry for the rest of my days. Well, now I am just going to keep going and hoping for the best and fighting like no other. I do not think about the possibility of not making it, but I am still going to live every day like it is my last, because I really don’t know what each and every day has to offer me. Nothing is given to me and my health is so unpredictable, so I am living each day to the fullest and am doing everything to be happy. I am more vocal now (I am sure you can tell because of how I write in this blog) and do things that I enjoy. No time is wasted! I refuse to do that, I will spend my time with my family and friends. I need to get awareness out and spread my story and that is now my job. I am not working, swimming on a team, or going to school, so this is what I need to do. This is my passion, and if/when I do go back to school, I am going to change my major to journalism. I believe this is where I can accomplish the most and do the most good. The after effects of my treatment has made my hands incredibly shaky, so I could not be a nurse. There is no way that I could hit a vein well with being so shaky! So with journalism, I can get the word out about childhood cancer and really make a difference. I could work for some sort of childhood cancer organization or work somewhere in that field. I think it is a great plan for me!

So today I got two units of platelets because my counts are still really low. I am bruising like no other and bleeding very easily. Even with playing with Panda, I have kind of blood blisters (not blisters, but blood vessels are showing on the surface) which I would never normally get because Panda is so gentle when playing. He never broke the skin, but I have red marks where he put his claws or teeth on. Weird, right? I met up with Michelle (the one I met on Tuesday) and Katie Rundle (Andrew’s sister, whom I absolutely adore) to hang out with them for getting the platelets. I was surprised but happy to get the two units so I do not bruise as easily. I will also be needing a blood transfusion next week because I have been bleeding more easily with the low platelets. My hemoglobin dropped two points since Sunday, so I know I will be getting it next week. It was not low enough today to need one for tomorrow, so I am glad that I do not have to rush around! I also had a great idea right when Katie was leaving, since Beth Ruyak wants me to come back and talk on the radio again with an update in January, I figure that I can bring Katie to speak too, because she has another perspective on childhood cancer. She lost her brother to the same cancer that I have, and she is such a great advocate as to why we need more research done for childhood cancers of all sorts.

Tomorrow I will be attending the UFC fight weigh-ins with Job and I get to meet the fighters. I am so stoked for this, because I appreciate MMA so much. I know how hard they work and how beat up they get, I have mad respect for them. I have always wanted to do some sort of martial art, but I never got the opportunity. I was looking into Brazilian Ju-jitsu (I don’t know if I spelled that right or not) at the end of my senior year right before I graduated, but then I got diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma for the first time. I never got the chance to do it, and with my lung issues and stuff now there is no way that I could, but I love watching the sport either way. I love the unpredictability of it and the different styles. It takes so much discipline to be really good at MMA that I would not have been great at it, it would have been more of for the experience. I will admit that I could not fight in it, I would just do the workouts and learn the moves, that would have been good enough for me. So with watching the fight (which is on Saturday, and I get floor seats with Job) I figure that I will be able to learn how to do certain moves and obviously never use them, but I love learning new moves that look cool and actually work. I am glad that I am going with Job because he appreciates MMA as much as I do and knows more about it and knows who the fighters are. Not to mention that I feel safe being with him and I know that no one would dare mess with me (they don’t as is, but it is nice having a little bit of security knowing I am with someone who can hold his own in a fight and defend me/himself). I am also going to get a behind the scenes tour of the weigh-ins. I cannot wait!

I am so thankful for all of the opportunities that I have been given and I cannot believe the amount of things that I have been able to accomplish at 21 years old. I have learned that sometimes I have to speak up and speak my mind. I never used to do this, but I figure that by saying something everyone around me is benefiting. When something bothers me, I let someone know. That way misunderstandings are aired up and feelings aren’t hurt anymore. I also apologize when I have done something to hurt someone and when I have said something that I did not mean, or if I give attitude for no reason. It happens to everyone! Apologizing and meaning it is such a big deal. It is so important to say “sorry” and actually mean it. I have had people apologize to me for things that happened way in the past and if I know they mean it, I accept it. That is how life should be, we all learn from our mistakes. Everyone has a misunderstanding or mis-communication at some point. I have had my fair share, and talking it out helps you understand what the other person is thinking and where they are coming from. These misunderstandings are often not a big deal at all! I am also more apt to accept an apology from someone who was not friends with me, because it is not like they back-stabbed me. If we were not friends to begin with, they really have not done anything wrong by talking about me. Sure, I don’t like it when someone talks bad about me, but it is way worse when a close friend does it. That is something I do not tolerate! At least with people who aren’t friends, there is no real harm done because they do not know your inner most thoughts and motivations. At least that is how I feel. I only apologize when I mean it and I know when someone else means it, so of course I accept the ones that are heartfelt. That is just the way to be, we need to be forgiving to those who deserve it. There is no reason to hold a grudge to someone who does not know you and who you do not know anything about. That is my thoughts for the night!

So I have a bit of the steroid chubs going on right now! My face is a bit fatter than it normally is, but it is more swollen than anything because of the steroids. I wish that my cheekbones were more apparent but they will soon enough after the drugs have been completely tapered off. I also have a bit of a bulging tummy compared to what I normally have, but this is all temporary and is something that I can deal with. There is nothing I can do about it and I am just glad that I am not insanely skinny and on the opposite end of the spectrum. Also, with my one side being bigger than the other, I think it might be because my organs are off place now. Since my lung cannot fully expand, my diaphragm has moved up and my stomach has moved up. So my insides are a little out of place, but again, it is something I can deal with. I am so happy that it does not hurt, and although it is obvious that I am lopsided, no biggie. It is just another side effect of my treatments. It is survivable. I just have one side that has a womanly curve to it, a more hourglass shape on one side, and then my natural, boxy side. Just one of those weird things that happen in my life!

So if you want to listen to my radio interview, go to http://www.capradio.org/ and search for my name (Lauren McCullough) it will be under news or something I believe.

Also, here are some organizations to donate to for childhood cancer research!

http://www.stbaldricks.org/

http://www.stjude.org/stjude/

http://esarcoma.com/

http://www.sunbeamfoundation.org/cms/index.php

http://www.childrenscancer.org/

And of course, you can follow me on my social networking sites!

https://www.facebook.com/thenotdyinggirl

twitter: swimchickLM

instagram: swimchicklauren

email: shashimi1992@yahoo.com

I haven’t really been doing much since my last blog post, I have just been resting up because I am going to have a busy week next week! So tomorrow, I am going to be going to my grandma’s house in the Bay Area for our Early Christmas. We normally have our Early Christmas about a week from now, but with my schedule and the schedules of my other family members, this is the best possible day for our get together. Since our actual Christmas is full of driving from one relative’s house to another, we would be stretching out time too thin to spend any quality time with each family. This Early Christmas is at my grandma’s house on my mom’s side, where we have it every year. It has been a while since I have been to visit my grandma Leone and grandpa Joe, so that will be nice. I love looking at the pictures that they have on the walls that show my cousins, Mark, and I at many different stages of life. We always have to look at the village that is propped out in the backyard, named Riceville. I am sad that the jacuzzi that I had spent so much time in is now gone. That is where I got my nickname “Sashimi” which means raw fish. I would swim in the hot tub for so long and would basically be a fish. I guess that is partially where I got my love of being in the water and being a swimmer. Just the smell of chlorine is amazing! 

And speaking of swimming, I plan on getting back in the water on my own on Monday. I NEED to get back in the pool. It has been months since I have fully emerged myself in the pool and I just miss it. I won’t be doing any soaking because of my tattoo, but I will get in for about twenty minutes and do some backstroke. My lungs are better than they have been in a long while, so that is no longer an issue with me getting active. I have nowhere near the lung capacity that I used to have and can inhale less than the average person, but that won’t stop me from swimming. I won’t push myself to exhaustion and won’t be timing myself anytime soon, but I need to exercise. Just being in the water puts me in a better mood, even though the weather leaves much to be desired. I figure that putting a few laps behind me will be good for both my physical and mental health- so what do I have to lose? I need to strengthen up my muscles a little bit because I have been sedentary for too long. My lower back ends up getting weak because I sit on the couch too much. Just yesterday I pulled my lower back and both of my hips by swinging myself out of bed. That was pretty much my wake up moment that I need to exercise again just to keep myself in decent shape. When I am active, I look and feel better, which is definitely why I have stuck with swimming for all of these years. I need to keep up my broad shoulders, keep my stomach tight, and keep my arms from being too “weenie”. 

I just forgot that I will probably have to go in for a platelet transfusion on Monday, so depending on what time my appointment is, that will see if I am going to be able to swim or not. I can tell that my platelets are low because I am bruising and bleeding after my nighttime shot to get my immune system a boost. Speaking of my immune system, my counts are definitely low, as my white blood cell count was less than normal on Wednesday and I know it has not changed that much since then. This has also kept me inside to I can stay away from big groups of people because I really would rather not be sick. Out of everything that is going on, I do not need to get the flu or anything else that could get me in the hospital!

On Tuesday I am going to be on a radio program talking about my story and to further raise awareness for pediatric cancer. I will be speaking with Beth Ruyak of Capital Public Radio (90.9 FM, 90.5 FM, 91.3 FM, 88.1 FM) and I am looking forward to it! I also believe that my nurse practitioner, Tamara, will also be interviewed to speak from more of the medical perspective. It is perfect timing as she is moving to Oregon soon! I am finally getting the word out that childhood cancer is real and is closer to home than what most people wish it were. So I am hoping that this is only the start to a wildfire of pediatric cancer awareness!

On Wednesday, I will be interviewed for KCRA. So this will be my first television debut! I do not know the details behind it yet, but I have been in contact with someone from the news station. Exciting, isn’t it? This makes me so relieved that I do not have a fear of public speaking and that I kind of like to talk sometimes. This is also the perfect timing for being on the news because I am tapering off of my steroids. Why does this have anything with being on TV? Well, I was put on the steroids to see if it could help my heart and breathing two weeks ago. The steroids have given me the awful side effect of acne on my head and on the right side of my chest. Not my face, just my head and the right side of my chest. It is so bizarre! Luckily, since I am going down on the steroids, the acne has been clearing up nicely. It has made me upset because if I am going to be bald, I at least want a nice looking head. I don’t want to feel insecure when taking off a hat in public when my head gets too hot. So thank goodness with this timing and that my heart and lungs are strong enough so that I can be taken off of the steroids! Trust me, this acne was so bad that I thought it was hives at first. Yay that it is going away! I have dealt with having acne since I was probably twelve, so I think I have had enough of my skin tormenting me.

Speaking of Wednesday, that is also my birthday! I will finally be 21! Legal to drink! I will be buying and drinking a fruity cocktail on my birthday for sure. I will not be getting drunk, I can assure you on that! My stomach does not need to be upset by something that I am in control of. I will be spending the evening with friends and family and will be having a blast at a restaurant/bar. What I am more excited about is just having the possibility of ordering a drink that sounds like it will taste good. I like having the choice of ordering a drink and not having to worry about my age. I am mentally so much older than 21 that it never really occurs to me that I am still young. I am not going to abuse the fact that I will be able to buy alcohol- it will be nice just to be able to do it and bring it to a party.

On Friday, I will be going to the UFC weigh ins for the fights that will be going on in Sacramento on the 14th. One of the vice presidents of the UFC was made aware of my blog by his brother and read that I have been enjoying watching MMA. So he reached out to me and offered me VIP, floor seats for the UFC fight night on Saturday. Needless to say, I am stoked! I have never seen a fight live before and am so looking forward to it. I will be taking my buddy Job with me because he enjoys MMA as much as I do and he knows more about it than I do. He was just saying that we should go to a fight, and this opportunity jumped into my lap so I gladly accepted it. Right after my birthday, on a free day for me, how much better can it get? I will be seeing all of the fights, even though they will go late, I am just so interested in the different styles and how variable the matches can be. I also want to learn as much about it as I possibly can, I have a thirst for knowledge when it comes to certain subjects (including food). I already have a wrestling background behind me so I get a little bit of what is going on, but I want to know more. I wasn’t a very good wrestler, but I know a bit about it and have been around it for many years, so this will be a night that I will not forget!

I have been doing a lot of thinking, as usual, and I have to say that I have changed a lot over the past year, and even the past few months. When I was in high school, I was so OCD about planning and timing things and would get annoyed when people would try to make last minute plans with me. Now, that is what I rely on. Since my health can change at any time, the spontaneous moments work out the best for me. I often have to change my plans because my counts are low, my stomach acts up, or if I just am too drained. I feel like my friends don’t really understand (because you really cannot unless you are going through what I am) but they fully accept it. I wish that I could stick with my plans a whole lot more, but the reality is that I cannot, but I do as much as I can. I am grateful that I am able to follow through with the plans that I do make. At least with my friends, they know that it is nothing personal if I cannot hang out or go out. I think that is a key point in any sort of relationship, the trust that nothing is meant or done to purposefully hurt one another. When plans are broken, it isn’t personal, it is just that a situation has come up. So now when people call me up or text me asking to hang out or go out to dinner, whatever, last minute, if I am feeling good I accept. No day is given to us, nothing is promised, so I might as well live it up while I can!

Something that I have noticed lately is that people aren’t giving themselves enough credit. Sounds a little odd, but it is true. We are all so quick to point out our personal flaws that we often do not notice the good things about ourselves. Instead of thinking about all of the problems that you possess, think about all of the good traits that you have. Maybe your flaws are seen as positives by someone else. I know for a fact that I am brutally honest, for some that is a positive trait and for others it is seen as a negative one. I count it as positive because I think everyone needs a friend who can say, “Hey, that outfit looks awkward,” or “You seem to be gaining weight,” or even “You have a booger in your nose.” Because if I do not say anything, maybe my friend truly has not noticed and would be much more embarrassed if I were to stay silent. I figure it is better if I say something rather than for a stranger to say something. Maybe that is just me! If I seem fake and too smiley, too happy, that is because it makes me happy to think happy thoughts. That is a positive trait that I possess. I know friends who can make me smile and laugh during the hardest moments, that is such a great trait to have. Other people are such great listeners. Others are supportive no matter what. Just think about the positives that you have to offer in a relationship (whichever kind!) and don’t be as insecure. Different friends and different people possess different positive traits, so there is no “better” person. No replacement friends. I have multiple people who I consider “best friends” and they all are so different and fall into different categories that there is no ranking system. I have newer friends who have been there for me since I have met them, old friends who have been there forever, and so on. Those are my two cents for the evening!

So please continue on sharing this blog, keep spreading the word that childhood cancer is a huge issue that needs to be addressed, and keep being positive! I am terrible at answering my messages, so do not be offended if I do not answer or if I take forever, that is all too normal for me, again, its nothing personal!

https://www.facebook.com/thenotdyinggirl

twitter: swimchickLM

instagram: swimchicklauren

email: shashimi1992@yahoo.com

Here are some organizations that I have looked into and support childhood cancer research and sorts!

http://www.childrenscancer.org/

http://www.stjude.org/stjude/

http://www.stbaldricks.org/

http://esarcoma.com/

And it makes me incredibly happy that http://www.marycrowley.org/ has a promising vaccine trial for Ewing’s that they will be starting soon! I am not eligible for the study, but I am very glad that something is being done!

All I can say is wow. My story was published across newspapers in the Bay Area and has been shared so many times that I have lost count. The sudden influx was huge! I have been getting tons of friend requests and messages, prayers and people who are wishing me well. I am so glad that I have so many on my side to support me through this journey and to raise awareness of childhood cancer. It DOES exist and is right here in front of everyone. I have had so many people supporting me, from Laguna Creek High School (where I went to school), Diablo Valley College (and the various sports teams, including my swim teammates), people who have stumbled across my blog, friends, family, people who I have come in contact with, and so many who I do not know. I have to thank everyone for being there for me throughout this hard process, and I wish I could get back to every single person, but that is pretty darn impossible. So I will thank you guys here!!!!

So on Monday I had my CT scan to check out what is going on with my swollen and numb left hip/side. Well, they did not see anything out of the ordinary. It is not a tumor (which I did figure because it is not painful at all). Nothing even showed up on the scan, so your guess is as good as mine is as to what it is. As my doctors and caregivers have always said, “You never know, it is Lauren!” This is so true of me. My body is so unpredictable and kind of marches to its own beat. I get problems that most people could not even imagine and have side effects that are unheard of, but my body keeps on ticking and chugging along. No matter how bad my health has gotten, my body has come through in the end and prevailed over whatever has ailed me. As much as my body hates me, it does work really hard. My side is still swollen and numb, but it has not gotten any bigger and is still not painful, so there is nothing to worry about. Again, no reason to worry about something that I cannot control. I would also like to report that it has been a full day since I have used my norco pills for pain. Before, it would be two in the morning and two in the evening. I did not use any last night, as I forgot to because the pain in my back is just not there anymore. So I decided that I would not take them this morning and have not needed them. This is such a relief to me! As much as my side has a weird sensation to it when walking and in general, it is not painful. I feel like I have a bit of a lean to me and that my body is out of balance, but no pain. I cannot complain! Monday was also my nurse practitioner’s last day. As sad as it is, she has a great opportunity for her in Oregon that just cannot be looked over. She has been so fantastic with my case and getting to know how I work, both physically and mentally. She will be missed, but she will do a great job in Oregon and will have those patients love her as well! So after my appointment, my mom and I picked up my Thai food and went home. I was so relieved to hear about the good news that my side is nothing to worry about at this point (and hopefully ever) that I was in a very good mood.

Yesterday I spent the day with my best friend Kevin. We have been neighbors and friends since kindergarten or first grade, I am not sure which one exactly. We have gone through our ups and downs, as do most friendships, but we are on a permanent high. We get each other and joke around about the weirdest things that most would judge us on. We can act like fools and sing in public and not care. Luckily, it was Kevin’s day off from work and school so we got to spend a good amount of time together. I decided that I wanted to explore this Vietnamese market/sandwich shop/ food place so it was just perfect that I would have company. I had done my research on the place, named Huong Lan, and looked at every single item that they showed on the menu. I was so intrigued, even though I had no idea what most of the food was, I could look at the pictures and tell that the food was going to be good. I picked out a Banh Mi sandwich- and going all out, I got one with headcheese, ham, and pate. Kevin got a chicken teriyaki sandwich and I got my mom a bbq pork banh mi. We also picked out numerous hot entrees that were already boxed up (they all looked so good), two Thai teas (which were surprisingly sweet), a few Vietnamese desserts, two boba teas, and a pastry filled with purple yam. You could say that Kevin and I were in food comas by the end of it, and I ended up having leftovers which I ate today. All of the food was so good and authentic, it was a culinary experience for me. It was definitely a bang-for-your-buck trip too, so you just cannot go wrong with that. So Kevin and I got to hang out and watch Jerry Springer, eat, and talk about feelings. 

So I guess I need to talk about what the talk about feelings was. It kind of got me thinking about the emotions that I feel on a daily basis and the ones that I do not allow myself to feel. We discussed love. Now, I have never been in love. This feeling is completely alien to me. However, I do know what love is. I have so much love for my friends, family, supporters, caregivers, pets. You could say that my heart is full of love. I think that more people need to own up to their warm and fuzzy feelings and show that they love people more. You may not have to say the words, “I love you,” but you need to act on them. It may not mean that much to one person, but sometimes hearing it or acknowledging the feeling makes the other person soar. Everyone likes to feel appreciated, so a little compliment or a “thanks” goes a long way in my book. I guess I am spoiled because I come from a family where we openly say, “I love you,” but my two cents are that people need to hear that word more often. Just saying!

So today I got my blood drawn and my counts are good, so nothing new is really going on right at this moment. It has been a pretty darn lazy day for me, and I could say that boring days are good days because that means that crazy things are not happening in my life at this moment. I am getting another echocardiogram tomorrow to check on my heart again. I can tell that my heart is going strong and that the gallop is not there, my heart is not racing for no reason. I am also going to be filling out some paperwork and getting my disability placard. I had one briefly in 2011 when my leg was bad, but it really does come in handy. On my days when my blood counts are really low and walking even two steps tires me, to the days where my lungs are not up to par, to when I am not feeling good, this will help me out. As my social worker put it, “Spend less effort doing hospital things so you can put more effort into the fun things.” So that is what I plan on doing!

So with my story becoming so public and getting so much attention, I have been asked, “What can I do to help?” Well, I have an answer to that! First, spread the awareness that childhood cancer exists and does not discriminate. Accept the uncomfortable fact that children get diagnosed with cancer. Tell others and discuss the problem that so many children (I will lump myself into this list) are losing years of their lives (and losing their battles) and live with lifelong problems after cancer treatment. 

Another thing that you can do is donate to organizations for childhood cancer research. This is the biggest gap in funding and where most of the work needs to be done. Here are a few organizations that I looked up and approve of:

http://ewings-sarcoma.org.uk/     This is specifically for my cancer.

http://www.stbaldricks.org/

http://www.stjude.org/

http://www.childrenscancer.org/

Just making pediatric cancer an issue that is spoken about is a huge issue. This way we can hopefully get politicians behind the cause and elect those who are working to fund the research! If the research is done and the funding is there, people like myself and children who are younger than I am can have a better chance at survival. That is what I ask!

Oh, and I have been getting a lot of “tips” from people regarding holistic medicine and other kinds of therapies that “cure cancer”. Chances are, I have done the research behind the tip and it is probably something that I have already heard of and looked up. I am very proactive in my diagnosis and ask a lot of questions. My team of doctors are also very proactive and are constantly looking into new treatments and protocols and studies. Trust me, I am not overlooking anything. Take into account the time that I have in my day to do the research and the fact that I am one of those people who fully looks into things. I am the girl who searches who my friends are dating and can find anything out about anyone. I am very thorough in my research and fully engross myself into my studies. I know that those who give me the tips and messages have great intentions, but it makes me feel like they think I am uneducated about my disease. Every cancer is different too. Different cancer reacts to different drugs and treatments. My cancer is incredibly rare and is considered as one of those cancers that you are very unlucky to get. What I mean is, if you were to be diagnosed with cancer, this is one that the treatment is very vigorous and the survival rate is very low. Ewing’s sarcoma is one hell of a cancer, and we need more research done so that the cancer does not get a chance to take more lives. 

So please help me and spread my story, my blog, and childhood cancer awareness!

I also ask for those who have been adding me on my personal facebook to please add my “The Not Dying Girl” facebook page instead, it makes things a whole lot easier for me.

https://www.facebook.com/thenotdyinggirl

twitter: swimchickLM

instagram: swimchicklauren

email: shashimi1992@yahoo.com