Introductions

It has been a long time coming for me to write a blog. I heavily considered it the first time I was diagnosed with Ewing’s sarcoma, a rare type of pediatric cancer that is extremely aggressive. I always have on a brave face during my whole battle and no one really knows how I really think and feel. I guess I should first start out with an introduction of my background!
Clearly my name is Lauren. I am 20 years old and I would consider myself to be your pretty average college girl. I have been swimming since I was 12 years old and plan on continuing once my battle is over. I plan on becoming a nurse after everything is over and when I can fully go back to school, luckily I do have a year under my belt already. 
I guess I will just start with a few of my thoughts: 
Why the fuck did this happen to me again?! I am a good person and I already went through cancer once and already had my one year remission. Completely unfair, like couldn’t terrorists or other bad/ abusive people he diagnosed instead?
Am I going to lose my hair again? I did not cry the first time it fell out, but now that it has finally grown back I have a new attachment to it, I feel girls again and I can finally tie it up a little bit.
I am going to be in a grade lower than my 18 year old brother. What the fuck. I am 20 years old and should be finishing up community college by now, but I’ll be done in another year once my cancer is done.
My support system has grown a lot since my first diagnosis, and honestly I’m afraid that it will hurt my swim friends a whole lot because they just got to know me for a year and then this happens. I am also afraid of how my best friends are handling it, because I know it was hard the first time, and I can’t imagine how they will take it this time. 
My parents must be devastated. We thought I was done with all of this and I can’t imagine how they are feeling. Although money isn’t exactly an issue, I am still concerned about how much time my parents may take off to get me to my appointments.
I am definately thinking that I do not want to lose any weight! I am incredibly happy with my 5’4 and 130lb athletic stature. And I don’t want to have to lose my boobs and butt again. I am happy with the way I look. Although I know I will end up looking like my normal self about a year after treatment is over, I would rather stay how I look now. Plus my abs are looki g pretty killer right now. Oh and I’m very tan from swim, I kinda don’t want to lose all of that.
I am hoping that I will be able to have more fun this summer than I did the summer I was diagnosed in 2011. I’m pretty sure that will be the case cuz I will at least be mobile- ill be slow because the tumor is in my lung which has caused it to partially collapse, making it a little tough to breath. 
But I guess this is all for now. I have a pet scan tomorrow which will determine where exactly the tumor is.

 
 

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