college

Sinking Into the Summer Boredom

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First off, I did not end up going to the drive-in theaters on Friday. The guys who we were supposed to go with had to cancel due to family plans. However, we have rescheduled for this Friday. Also, tomorrow I am going to go to the movies with a friend from high school to watch Now You See Me. Sounds interesting enough!

Honestly, I am so tired of being home all day. I need to find another hobby and fast! Swimming an hour a day will not cut how bored I get. I mean, I have been playing Pokemon and have logged in about 53 hours in two weeks… Which I have to say is quite an accomplishment if you ask me. I really wish that I would not have to be in the hospital for one week out of every three weeks because I would have been able to have my job coaching, which I was offered by my college coach during Spring Break practice. Next year though for sure!

I have a great announcement! I guess there are some benefits to having cancer (for a second time at that) which I say with a big grain of salt. I would give anything to not have cancer, but since I have it I might as well go as much as I can with it. This includes scholarships and my trip to the Olympic Trials for swim last June. This time I am not eligible for a wish because I was already granted one the first time I was diagnosed. This time around, both my mom and my dad’s work have really helped me out. Two years ago, my dad’s work gave me an iPad2, which I did not want at the time but it has been a total life saver when I spent hours in the hospital a day (I was literally in the hospital more than I was at home). My grandma decided that she was going to send my family and I to Hawaii or Florida to celebrate my remission when it happens, as she did last year. I decided upon Florida because I have found my dream school in that state. Not only that, I love the tropics and on my bucket list is to enjoy a drink on the beach during Christmas. So, my family will be spending a week in Florida for Christmas- much better than the cold weather here in California! My dad’s work gave him an undisclosed amount of money to support our trip and my mom’s bosses are giving her their hotel credit that they have acquired by boarding their employees.

On the menu for tomorrow: waking up after hopefully finding a party tonight (which probably is not going to happen), getting my blood drawn, going to lunch, going to the movies, then swimming! The temperature will be down about twenty degrees, so much more manageable! For now, waiting til my best friend gets off work in about half an hour and seeing if we are going out, and if not, going to sleep with my kitty Panda! So goodnight!

Back in the Pool

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Trying to stay in shape! Glad to be back in the pool, was in for about an hour.

I promised that I would get back in the pool and I delivered! I have been in for the past two days and I have been able to work out for about an hour. Now it hasn’t all been swimming, considering that I have only one working lung. My best friend and I push each other to keep working out harder so that we are both able to be our best that we can be. I can honestly say that I am incredibly sore, and man I am really able to create a great workout.

I figure that staying in the pool as long as possible and working out as much as I can will be incredibly beneficial for me. Getting the vitamin D while I can, keeping in shape, and keeping my tan will all make me feel like myself which should cause a decrease in my stress. Hopefully this will help me keep my hair!

I figure that keeping in shape should also help my body deal with the harsh chemicals of chemo. I can use all of the help that I can get!

I get my blood drawn two times a week just to make sure that my blood counts are good and that I do not need a blood transfusion, platelet transfusion, or stay away from crowds because my white blood cells are too low. Already, my veins are shot. They still haven’t recovered from my first diagnosis two years ago. Basically, the veins on the other sided of my elbow are extremely tiny and are not happy at all. Even with a whole year to recover, my veins are still just as bad as they were at the end of my treatment in 2012. This is unfortunate because I am sure soon enough the  phlebotomists will have to use the veins in my hands. Luckily, I have been given numbing cream- and that stuff really works! I cannot even feel when they poke me with a needle if I have the cream on, so it truly is a life saver. 

I am going to be going to the drive-in movies tomorrow and I cannot wait! I love getting out as much as I can while I feel as good as I can, I guess having one whole week where I spend a majority of my time in the hospital really makes me want to escape!

Hair Trouble… Still Undefined!

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Well, my hair is still coming out pretty darn easily if I hardly pull it. It is disheartening, but I am still hopeful that all it is is stress. I mean, who wouldn’t be stressed out to find out that they have cancer for the second time, aka 1/10 of their life? I certainly am stressed out more than any final has ever made me, more than any guy problems have ever caused me, and more stressed out than any big swim meet has made me. As much as I choose to try to ignore my health problems, I am sure subconsciously my body is under a whole ton of pressure. With the chemicals, the sudden lack of working out, and the increase of sitting on the couch, I am sure that my body is not very happy with me. 

In other news, I am no longer feeling nauseous or feeling any sort of chemo aftermath for that matter. Well, except my teeth and gums are very sore which makes me want to kind of bite at my cheeks and inside of my lips, that is about it for my side effects. My cold is finally going away, which is a relief because it was just adding insult to injury- so not needed in my case.

My left lung is feeling iffy still. When I yawn or breathe in deeply it still hurts, but I will be able to workout without a problem. I cannot wait to get another chest xray to see how the fluid in my lung is doing- preferably decreasing as it has been. Chemo should be helping get rid of the fluid and should help with the reinflating of my lung, considering that the tumor(s) which caused the lung to collapse will be shrinking.

I really miss my swim friends. I miss not seeing them every day for at least two hours a day. I even miss having the hard sets with them at practice. It is so weird for me not to see the people who I have spent the last five months with. Considering that I am no longer in the same area as they are, I live around 100 miles away from my school normally, it is difficult to catch up with them on a regular basis. As much as I know I will be seeing them for the next spring semester, it still is hard knowing that I will not be running into them at school because I will not be attending school in the fall semester. I will be taking one online class, but I am not going to be going to school very often unless there is a water polo game scheduled when I am feeling decent.

To end my post, I went online shopping yesterday and got a new practice suit. I am extremely excited for it to come in- I already have so many two piece practice suits, but you could say I am addicted to them. I also got two pairs of shorts and a shirt… I guess you could say I was treating myself after finishing up my semester as well as my last essay for a while. I wish I would be doing enough stuff and being active enough to post what I have been up to every day, but I think I would run out of things to say. I do hang out with my best friend DeAngela every day, but a lot of the time we sit on the couch and just relax. Although tomorrow, I promise I will go swimming and make her come with me, we both need the exercise to keep our summer bodies in check! So goodnight and I will keep you guys posted… for sure about my hair problems!

Introductions

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It has been a long time coming for me to write a blog. I heavily considered it the first time I was diagnosed with Ewing’s sarcoma, a rare type of pediatric cancer that is extremely aggressive. I always have on a brave face during my whole battle and no one really knows how I really think and feel. I guess I should first start out with an introduction of my background!
Clearly my name is Lauren. I am 20 years old and I would consider myself to be your pretty average college girl. I have been swimming since I was 12 years old and plan on continuing once my battle is over. I plan on becoming a nurse after everything is over and when I can fully go back to school, luckily I do have a year under my belt already. 
I guess I will just start with a few of my thoughts: 
Why the fuck did this happen to me again?! I am a good person and I already went through cancer once and already had my one year remission. Completely unfair, like couldn’t terrorists or other bad/ abusive people he diagnosed instead?
Am I going to lose my hair again? I did not cry the first time it fell out, but now that it has finally grown back I have a new attachment to it, I feel girls again and I can finally tie it up a little bit.
I am going to be in a grade lower than my 18 year old brother. What the fuck. I am 20 years old and should be finishing up community college by now, but I’ll be done in another year once my cancer is done.
My support system has grown a lot since my first diagnosis, and honestly I’m afraid that it will hurt my swim friends a whole lot because they just got to know me for a year and then this happens. I am also afraid of how my best friends are handling it, because I know it was hard the first time, and I can’t imagine how they will take it this time. 
My parents must be devastated. We thought I was done with all of this and I can’t imagine how they are feeling. Although money isn’t exactly an issue, I am still concerned about how much time my parents may take off to get me to my appointments.
I am definately thinking that I do not want to lose any weight! I am incredibly happy with my 5’4 and 130lb athletic stature. And I don’t want to have to lose my boobs and butt again. I am happy with the way I look. Although I know I will end up looking like my normal self about a year after treatment is over, I would rather stay how I look now. Plus my abs are looki g pretty killer right now. Oh and I’m very tan from swim, I kinda don’t want to lose all of that.
I am hoping that I will be able to have more fun this summer than I did the summer I was diagnosed in 2011. I’m pretty sure that will be the case cuz I will at least be mobile- ill be slow because the tumor is in my lung which has caused it to partially collapse, making it a little tough to breath. 
But I guess this is all for now. I have a pet scan tomorrow which will determine where exactly the tumor is.