My day was full of surprises- both the bad and the good surprises.
This morning, Summer Sanders blessed me with her appearance and gave me what my heart had desired: a breakfast sandwich with eggs, sausage, and cheese. You bet it was an amazing sandwich. She then said goodbye as she was going to take her daughter to horse back riding lessons- which is so cool and fun in my book!
After Summer left, I was barraged by basically my whole dad’s side of the family. Ok not barraged, and not everyone was there, but it was a surprisingly big group of people. My grandma Joyce, grandpa Gene, aunt Susan, cousin Anna, and cousin Kristen. They all wished to see how I was doing, since it is hard for them all to get out together considering the age of my grandparents. They are also coming from 1 1/2 hours away, and that can be tough on anyone’s body, nevertheless they are 86 years of age.
My family (plus DeAngela) talked for about half an hour before I had to be whisked away on a gurney to get me on an ambulance so I could get radiation. Seems like a lot of hassle just to go from on place to another? It totally is. However, since I am in the hospital’s care, I cannot simply drive myself to get radiation. I was so not impressed by the EMTs taking care of me. I had them two days in a row and I was dreading it. They were boring and hardly even talked to me or my best friend, as they would rather chat in their own company. The ambulance ride is about 40 minutes, and that is a boring amount of time when you do not have anything to do in the very bouncy ambulance, especially when the ambulance driver loves to ride over curbs to get to places earlier. Yeah, did not sit well with my stomach that gets upset over radiation to begin with.
Luckily, I love my radiologists and they always manage to make me feel light and happy with all of their jokey mannerisms. They do not have the fake happiness and friendliness about them, they are truly enjoyable to be around. I am willing to take the extra drive just to hang out with this group of people for the ten minutes it takes to get irradiated.
After I am back I was completely exhausted, I took 1 mg Ativan to ease my stomach and also make me feel sleepy so I could relax for a while. My family was still there when I came back, but I explained that I was just pooped and not feeling good,so they left about 10 minutes after I came back from radiation.
Oh, I forgot to mention that my aunt brought me a wedding ring that she had as a spare just laying around the house. Also, the ring is in my perfect size of 5.5, has a cute kind of big diamond on top, and it is gold- the same color that my fiance will be getting me. I also chose the band for Egor as well. If you asked me or my mom, it is perfect. I still remember the style of ring he liked from at least one year ago from a casual conversation we had.
I had some friends from high school come visit me as well. Tyler, Troy, Casey, and then Sean came. We got to reminisce about who we were in high school and also had to do our usual gossip where we touched on the subject of an old “best friend” of mine who did not exactly prove himself to be a friend at all when I was diagnosed the first time. Now that I have been given a death sentence, he wants to be a part of my support system and be a friend if mine. This offended me to no end, because there was no way in hell that I was going to let him back in my life after all of the things he put me through in high school when we were friends (which, when looking back, was not a smart move on my part to begin with) so there was no chance for him ever seeing me again, I refuse to deal with the amount of drama that just seems to follow him like a stench that just won’t go away,
Anyways, after my high school friends left, I was left talking to my aunt on my mother’s side of the family. I have been increasingly emotional, which I suppose is normal considering my condition. It is weird for me because I like to keep my feelings locked down, deep down in order to keep people from seeing me cry. In fact, my sob looks better than my regular cry.
Anyways, back to the conversation I was having with my aunt Cathy. Somehow we got on the subject of love. It was brought up that I have in fact never been in love, even though it was something I want so dearly. I want to be in love so badly. I have loved people before and do love people, but I need to add some romance to it. I love Egor, my fiance, but I am not in love with him. I desperately wish that I will fall in love with him and that he accepts that. I have not talked to him about it so I am a little scared. We have agreed to snuggling, the kiss during the wedding ceremony, and holding hands.I do want more than that but I have to respect his wishes, and he was the one who said yes to marrying me. Literally seconds after I found out that I had six months to live (at the time, since then i have been given less time to roam the earth, and yet here I am staying up super late to write this blog entry) so I was so overcome with emotions that DeAngela had to make some calls for me, including to my mother and father, grandparents on both sides of the family, and then of course, Egor was contacted. DeAngela had the pleasure of asking if Egor would marry me, given the circumstances that I would not live very much longer, so Egor, naturally, being the man that he is, said “of course.” Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is how we got engaged. Not the most exciting story to some, but for me, I was thinking that I was taking off the most important item from my bucket list- getting married. To me, it was also so brave of Egor to take on the role of being my husband- especially knowing that I would not be around for much longer. It is so much more than your average best friend kind of thing, it will be the best day of my life, hands down,
I would write more and could, but I keep falling asleep at the keyboard. So goodnight!