hair

Hair Trouble… Still Undefined!

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Well, my hair is still coming out pretty darn easily if I hardly pull it. It is disheartening, but I am still hopeful that all it is is stress. I mean, who wouldn’t be stressed out to find out that they have cancer for the second time, aka 1/10 of their life? I certainly am stressed out more than any final has ever made me, more than any guy problems have ever caused me, and more stressed out than any big swim meet has made me. As much as I choose to try to ignore my health problems, I am sure subconsciously my body is under a whole ton of pressure. With the chemicals, the sudden lack of working out, and the increase of sitting on the couch, I am sure that my body is not very happy with me. 

In other news, I am no longer feeling nauseous or feeling any sort of chemo aftermath for that matter. Well, except my teeth and gums are very sore which makes me want to kind of bite at my cheeks and inside of my lips, that is about it for my side effects. My cold is finally going away, which is a relief because it was just adding insult to injury- so not needed in my case.

My left lung is feeling iffy still. When I yawn or breathe in deeply it still hurts, but I will be able to workout without a problem. I cannot wait to get another chest xray to see how the fluid in my lung is doing- preferably decreasing as it has been. Chemo should be helping get rid of the fluid and should help with the reinflating of my lung, considering that the tumor(s) which caused the lung to collapse will be shrinking.

I really miss my swim friends. I miss not seeing them every day for at least two hours a day. I even miss having the hard sets with them at practice. It is so weird for me not to see the people who I have spent the last five months with. Considering that I am no longer in the same area as they are, I live around 100 miles away from my school normally, it is difficult to catch up with them on a regular basis. As much as I know I will be seeing them for the next spring semester, it still is hard knowing that I will not be running into them at school because I will not be attending school in the fall semester. I will be taking one online class, but I am not going to be going to school very often unless there is a water polo game scheduled when I am feeling decent.

To end my post, I went online shopping yesterday and got a new practice suit. I am extremely excited for it to come in- I already have so many two piece practice suits, but you could say I am addicted to them. I also got two pairs of shorts and a shirt… I guess you could say I was treating myself after finishing up my semester as well as my last essay for a while. I wish I would be doing enough stuff and being active enough to post what I have been up to every day, but I think I would run out of things to say. I do hang out with my best friend DeAngela every day, but a lot of the time we sit on the couch and just relax. Although tomorrow, I promise I will go swimming and make her come with me, we both need the exercise to keep our summer bodies in check! So goodnight and I will keep you guys posted… for sure about my hair problems!

My First Real Freakout

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So on Saturday night, as my mom was away at her boyfriend’s tennis tournament, my dad was in charge of taking care of my needs (not too much, mind you, more of just keeping me company while I am recovering from the week’s chemo). I started to notice that when I run my hands through my hair or kind of pull it, quite a few strands fall out. Every time I did that, more hair would fall. So naturally, I freaked out and thought that my hair was going to fall out just as it had two years prior. I did not cry the first time that my hair fell out because I was not that attached to it. However, this time it means something new to me, and it is finally at an acceptable length where people do not think I am sick or a lesbian or get weird looks from strangers. I actually get compliments on my short hair. So naturally, I cried when I believed that my hair was falling out. I am not much of a crier at all, but I was genuinely scared about how this would impact my summer.

I did not want to be stared at during the whole summer. I did not want the wrong kind of attention, and not having the hair made me really self conscious. I was always feeling like the girl who no one wanted. I mean, I’m pretty sure that having hair is on top of most guys’ dateable list. Not to mention the fact that having cancer already makes it a little awkward to start dating. For me, I felt like I wasn’t special enough for someone to take a chance on me while at my worst.

Luckily, with my hair grown at the length that it is, I feel normal and confident. You would never know not only that I had cancer, or that I am currently battling it. It took me a while to cool down from my freakout, and I realized that I am just shedding like the average person, and I am simply not used to it because I basically did not have hair for two years. As long as clumps are not falling out of my head I am in the clear. Because if there is something I know about, it is hair loss! I’ve been around it with my friends and had my experience with it.

In other news, I am done with chemo for two weeks! This is the time that I will start to feel good and be able to go out and about! Unfortunately, I caught a cold so I am very stuffed up! Not what I was hoping for but it is nothing to get me put in the hospital, so I will take it. I’ve been feeling progressively better and will get in the pool tomorrow, despite the fact that it will hurt my sinuses. That is something I am going to have to deal with to keep up with having a normal summer and a normal me. I haven’t lost or gained any weight, which is a miracle considering that with chemo a lot of people lose their appetites, however mine has not been affected.

Hopefully I will get my grand start to summer tomorrow! Meeting new people at the club where I swim at and keep my tan. Goodnight. =]